Slow Clap Presents: Chef Lonely Heart's Cake for One

Real Story.  Real Stupid.

"Usually it's just soup for one, salad for one, wine for three."

-Edna Krabappel

The handsome husband and I were picking something up at Lunds when we passed a product so stupid, I had to stop and look at it.  A man shopping in close proximity eyed me when I laughed and took a couple of pictures.  This is what I do for you, I make myself look like a nut to bring you these gloriously wasteful stories.  

The stupid product in question is cake, frosting, and drizzle for one.  That's right, a single serving of cake in a cup, a single serving of "drizzle" in a pouch, and a single serving of frosting in yet another pouch.  Technically, there are four servings in the drizzle and frosting pouches but the intended use is for a single serving of cake.   

I think someone working on new products for Duncan Hines watched a vintage episode of The Simpsons and stole the idea from Chef Lonely Heart.  Chef Lonely Heart's Soup for One is what Edna Krabappel buys for her dinner at the Kwik E Mart.  This was in the episode Bart the Lover from February 13, 1992.  Yes, I remembered this from when I watched it on that day.  

The packaging is extremely wasteful as the pouches can't be recycled.  It isn't hard to make a single serving cake in a cup from scratch, my kids have done it many times.  

My two cents:  Cake, frosting, and drizzle for one is so f*cking stupid.  If you want cake, have cake, but don't create a mountain of trash just because you are lazy and want instant gratification.

Rating:  I give Perfect Size for 1 by Duncan Hines 1 out of 5 possible slow claps for catering to the gluttonous, moronic nature of the American people.

Perfect Size for 1 Cake.

Don't forget the frosting and drizzle too!

Silk'n SensEpil

Dealing with unwanted body hair is a pain.  I have tried, plucking, shaving, waxing, and epilating.  For those who don't know, epilating is sort of like waxing but it is done with a handheld epilator that is much like an electric shaver, except that the epilator rips out the hairs along with the roots.  Ouch!

Since shaving is time-consuming and doesn't give lasting results, waxing is painful and messy, epilating is painful, and professional laser treatments are expensive, the handsome husband bought me an at home treatment a few years back.  He picked out the Silk'n SensEpil, which is a more permanent hair removal system that uses light pulses to destroy the hair follicle.  

I think the SensEpil works really well and I am happy to report that I grow very little hair on my body.  The downfall of the SensEpil is that it requires refill cartridges that are spendy and wasteful.  Silk'n now offers newer products that do not require refill cartridges, so if you are looking to buy one, spend the money to get one that will last forever.  They didn't have that option when I got mine and I might upgrade at some point so that I can finish obliterating any remaining hair follicles. 

I think an at home treatment for permanent hair removal is a great solution against the war on hair.  I think in the long run, it is cheaper and much less wasteful than many other options that are not permanent.

The SensEpil

Seasonal Sunday: Coloring Contest, Bingo, and Trivia are Instant Hits for a Kid Party

For the last installment of the birthday party DIY, I'll share a secret that you already saw in the title.  It's true, kids love coloring contests, bingo, and trivia!  The secret to success is to tailor each activity to the party theme.  

Since Frank's (not his real name) party theme was Dogman, I wanted to make the games specific to that book series.  As I mentioned before, Dogman is a book series of the same name created by Dav Pilkey.  

For the coloring contest, I traced a picture of dogman pencil and then went over the lines with a permanent marker.  I made several copies and had two impartial judges pick the winner and runner up.  The runner up picked a prize from the prize box and the winner got an extra special wrapped gift.  The contest is fun and is its own decoration.  Here are all the finished products:

I put a lot of thought into how to make Dogman bingo.  I decided it would be cool to do a regular version as well as a picture version that used characters from the series.  It would be quite a bit of work to make all of the cards from scratch so I decided to see if there was anything online that would do this for me, for free, of course.  Birthday parties cost enough, I'm certainly not going to pay for bingo cards.  

I found an awesome site called bingobaker.com and you can either search for a theme that someone has already created or you can create your own.  It was easy enough for me to figure out and I made a few versions of both picture bingo and standard bingo, with Dogman as the free space.  The site does the hard work for you and mixes up the cards so that all you have to do is print them.  They were a huge hit.  Here are screenshots to give you a peek:

I discovered that kids love trivia a few years ago when we would have annual winter parties each January.  The winter party was a different theme each year and were something we did just because we are so friggin' cool.  I would create trivia questions and every so often I would announce it is time for another question.  The kids would get all excited and really enjoyed it.  I decided to give trivia a new life for Frank's first birthday party with school friends.  I don't know as much about Dogman as he does, so I spent about two hours going through the six books in the series to create a ten question trivia.  Of course, the kids loved it and each time someone got a prize for the right answer.  If your son wants a Dogman party, you can use my questions and answers and save yourself about two hours.  You're welcome.

Dogman Trivia

Q: What was the dog's name before the dog and the cop became dogman?

A: Greg the dog.

Q: What does Dogman do when he's been bad?

A:  He hides behind the plant at the police station.

Q:  Who are the fleas?

A:  Piggy, Crunky, and Bub.

Q:  What do you get when you cross a chicken with a monkey?

A:  Diarrhea.  (Li'l Petey joke)

Q:  How did Flippy get so smart?

A:  By eating Chief's Supa Brain Dots.

Q:  What is the name of Petey's secret lab?

A:  Petey's Secret Lab.

Q:  What was the cop's name before the dog and the cop became Dogman?

A:  Officer Knight.

Q:  What do you call a worm from King Arthur's court?

A:  Diarrhea (Li'l Petey joke)  

      Also acceptable: A "Knight" crawler or Sir Squirms-a-lot (guesses by Petey)

      

Q:  Who is the "kitty sitter?"

A:  Mrs. Suspicionflame (Petey in disguise)

Q:  What does 80-HD stand for?

A:  80 Hexotron Droid-Formigon

*The Day I Realized I am a Superhero

I made a trip to Abdallah Candies a couple of weeks ago and I realized that I am, in fact, a superhero.

Before this shopping trip, I had an inkling that I had some special abilities that set me apart from the other humans but it wasn't until my encounter at Abdallah that I realized, for the first time, the seemingly limitless power that I am capable of.  I left the store that evening in awe of myself.  My mind was racing and I was trying to recall exactly when this transformation had occurred.  I know that I haven't always had this superhero power but it didn't just come out of nowhere either.

I haven't had any cancer treatment that resulted in a superhero mutation.  I hadn't been involved with any science experiments that had gone awry.  I surely would have noticed if someone had bonded adamantium to my skeleton, although I do have titanium screws in my feet.  My parents are not disgustingly rich and I assume they have not been murdered since they are alive and well.  I am also not a wealthy business magnate who happens to be an ingenious scientist.  I don't recall any spider bites, although the neighbor's dog did bite me a couple of years ago when I drunkenly offered him a stick, but that doesn't seem to be it.  Regardless of how it happened, it has surely happened because I have not always had this ability.

I noticed something had changed when I stopped at Byerlys a month or two ago.  I had to stop for one item and at the checkout, they tried to put it in a plastic bag but I promptly told them that there was no need.  The bag boy froze and stared at me.  He asked me if I was sure and I said that I was.  I carried my one item out using just my hand.

Around that same time I stopped at Joann Fabric and bought several yards of quilting fabric for a Zelda quilt I'm making for Harriet (not her real name.)  I told the checkout girl "no bag" when she went to put my nicely folded fabric in a plastic bag.  Again, she looked at me in disbelief.  She asked me if I was sure.  I laughed and told her I was sure, I was just walking to my car and then going home.

The magnitude of these small feats had somehow escaped my attention.  The change had begun.  This same scenario happened a few more time in exactly the same way.  Disbelief and questions.  No bag?  Just a hand?  How does she do it?!?!

The day I stopped at Abdallah Candies I bought exactly five items.  I haven't been there in years but I needed a gift and that seemed a nice place to go.  I bought a card and four thin boxes of candy.  Dark chocolate salted caramels,  two boxes of mixed truffles, and one four pack of cashew grizzlies for myself, 'cuz them shits is off the chain son!  I paid and the checkout girl put the items halfway in a bag before I could tell her not to.  I smiled and said, "no bag, please." She stared at me.  I said, "I'm just walking to my car."  She scoffed at me and took them out of the bag.  Here is where the magic happens, I grabbed the four boxes and card IN ONLY ONE HAND.

On my drive home I reflected on the interaction.  Who scoffs at no bag?  What is so unusual about not wanting a plastic bag that I will use for a matter of minutes but will take forever to decompose?

By the time I got home the answer was clear to me.  I walked inside and greeted the handsome husband.  I gave him a kiss and told him the news.  "I AM A SUPERHERO," I said.  It was no shock to him, I could tell because his reply was "uh-huh."

Since this life-changing realization, I have spent time thinking about what all newly minted superheroes are forced to consider.  What will my name be, tights or no tights, is a cape too cliche, can I trust myself to only use my power for good?

It has all become clear to me.  No tights, but stockings for a sexier look, for sure a cape, and I will use my power for mostly good and just a touch of evil.

My name?  I am Handy Girl!  I have the ability to carry between 1 and 5 items WITH JUST 1 HAND.  I can, if need be, use two hands but one hand is my specialty.  I am Handy Girl, a superhero, and no, I don't give hand jobs.

Betty as Handy Girl.

*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty

Dear Betty: Reader Comment 4/26/2019 Columbia ReThreads

Dear Betty,

I was shopping at the Mall of America at the Columbia store and I saw a bin for something called ReThreads.  It's a clothing recycling program and I thought you would like to know.

Thanks,

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for letting me know about this!  I checked it out and the ReThreads program has an unlimited drop off location at every Columbia store.  They accept clothing, as well as shoes in any condition, as long as they are clean and dry.  Don't worry if there are rips or stains, it all gets sorted and things that can't be worn again are recycled into shop rags or they are broken down into carpet padding and insulation.  The clothing and shoes go to a company called I:CO.  I:CO specializes in reusing and recycling textiles.  I:CO also processes textiles from H & M through their partnership.  Donating or recycling clothing, shoes, and other textiles is a much more sustainable option than sending them to the landfill. 

Thanks,

Betty

Do you have a question, comment, or suggestion?

I'd love to hear from you!

Email me at Mrs.Stebber@gmail.com or comment on the blog

One Man's Trash is Another Man's Sleeper Sofa

Every year I tell the handsome husband that I want to get a new couch for the living room.  Every year he tells me reasons to wait.  Either the kids are too young still, the dog jumps on it, or there is a project or other item that is more pressing and the couch has to wait.  

This was the year that the couch was replaced and we bought a new chair to match.  HOORAY!!!  Now what to do with the old couch?

The handsome husband bought this couch 17 years ago and despite its age, it was still sturdy.  He definitely got his money's worth.   The old couch was worn and the cushions were somewhat flattened.  The sleeper mattress was lumpy and no longer comfortable.  I didn't feel this was something that we could have sold.  Old Betty would have scheduled a trash pickup and happily paid the fee for hauling away a large item.  But what about new Betty?

New Betty knows that there is almost always someone in need that isn't picky.  I have put a number of things on the Facebook Marketplace for free that I felt were, well, less than desirable items.  Someone always wants what I think is trash a less than desirable item.  I'm not rich and I'm not wasteful BUT I also want to have nice things.  Not a lot of things, but nice things nonetheless.  

I put the old couch on the Facebook Marketplace and I had 18 people message me within 24 hours who were interested.  The new couches had come in a few weeks early and I needed the old couch out fast.  I posted it on Tuesday and a woman came with her two grown sons to pick it up on Thursday.  It was a win for all of us.  

Sometimes what you think is worn out and old isn't to other people.  Instead of sending things to the dump, make sure to try and give it to someone who needs it or can use it.  You will save money and help someone out.

The 17-year-old sleeper sofa.

Weekly Weigh In 4/24/2019

Today is the 4th and final weigh-in of the month and I'm happy to report that we have zero bags going out to the curb today.  I think it's a decent accomplishment for where we are in our journey of less waste and considering that we had Easter a few days ago.  That brings our total for April to 1 and 1/3 bags and the running total for the year to roughly 7 and a half bags.

How did you weigh in this week?

-Dave Granlund

WTF Wednesday: One Man, Four Bowls

This month's WTF post is a true story about one man and four bowls.  It's not to be confused with Two Girls, One Cup; even though that's what the title is supposed to do. [Insert sound of comedic drum riff.]

It is lunchtime at the office and the man is hungry.  He proceeds to the office breakroom with his lunch in tow.  Today's lunch is a delicious can of soup.  What kind of soup you ask?  I have no idea, I wasn't there.  The hungry man opens the cupboard and removes four paper bowls, then he opens the drawer and takes out a plastic spoon.  He opens his soup can with the convenient pull tab top.  One bowl is too small to hold all of the soup, but two bowls are just right.  He pours half of the soup into one bowl and then the other half into the second bowl.  He uses the plastic spoon to scrape out any leftover soup chunks.  He throws the can into the trash.  Next, he opens the microwave and puts his two bowls of soup in.  He covers each of the soup bowls with the other two bowls that he removed from the cupboard.  When the soup is heated enough, he throws the two paper bowls away that were covering the soup to prevent splatters.  The hungry man then carries his two bowls of soup, his plastic spoon, and napkins to his desk to eat his lunch.  When he is finished, he throws the two paper soup bowls, his plastic spoon, and his napkins into the trash can at his desk.  

This is a real story of a wasteful hungry man witnessed by someone I know.  I'd like to retell the story in a version that is what I do when I bring a can of soup for lunch to work.

Betty is hungry, it is nearly 11am.  Who eats lunch that early?  Betty does, that's who!  Betty grabs the can of Progresso Vegetable soup from her desk cupboard along with her stainless steel spoon and brings it, along with her ceramic bowl from home, to the office breakroom.  Betty flips the pull tab on top of the soup can and pours the soup into the ceramic bowl.  She uses her spoon to scrape out the vegetables that are stuck in the can.  Betty puts her soup into the microwave and covers it with one paper napkin.  While her soup is heating up, she rinses out the soup can and then puts it into the recycling bin that is in the breakroom.  She looks out the window and people watches for a moment.  She thinks about going for a walk today but decides she is too lazy and doesn't feel like it.  When the soup is ready, Betty tosses the paper napkin and brings her soup and her spoon to her desk.  After Betty eats her soup she returns to the breakroom and washes out her bowl and her spoon.  She dries them with a second paper napkin.  Betty returns to her desk and puts her spoon back into the cupboard above her desk, she puts the bowl into her reusable lunch tote so she remembers to take it home.  She doesn't want to forget it because Handsome Husband will complain that it's missing because he likes that bowl the best.  Why did she take the bowl that Handsome Husband likes best?  Because it's the only bowl big enough for soup, that's why! 

How do you eat your soup?  Like wasteful man or like less wasteful Betty?  What you do each day matters.  Do it right.   

This is me, Betty, eating soup.

Slow Clap Presents: Arkansas Dump Fire VS Springfield Tire Fire

Real Story. Real Stupid.

Hot garbage.  Arkansas has it and you don't.  Let's begin by giving a nod to the Tire Fire that's been burning in Springfield since 1966.  It is satisfying for me to make this correlation, so here you go:

Established in 1966 and smelled in 46 states.

What's a tire fire without merch?

In Bella Vista, Arkansas something stinks.  It's the Trafalgar Road fire, also known as the Stump Dump fire, and it's been burning for over 8 months.  Officially, the fire started in August but it is suspected that it may have begun in late July of 2018.  Officials were called when smoke was first spotted at the site but the fire was left to burn itself out.  Spoiler alert!  It didn't.

Experts were brought in to figure out a way to extinguish the fire.  Since the fire is deep underground, it isn't easily reached.  Flames are reported to be some 70 feet underground.  A plan of attack was pitched that would involve flooding, trenching, and excavations with an estimated price tag of 15 to 37 million dollars.  This would be a dangerous job and some say it is no longer possible to put this fire out.

The Stump Dump has been closed since 2016.  As the name suggests, it was a place to bring tree stumps,  leaves, and organic waste.  It was also a place where people dumped things illegally.  Regular trash, batteries, wiring, and chemicals are deserving of an honorable mention.

There is no mention as to the cause of this fire.  I am guessing it started itself due to the buildup of methane gas.  This is why modern dumps are ventilated because methane is a natural byproduct of buried garbage. 

It doesn't look like the Arkansas Dump fire will be going out anytime soon.  Hopefully, the town of Bella Vista will come together to create some souvenirs and merchandise to make some money to assist with medical bills the residents will surely need. 

My two cents: I'm at a loss for words here.  You dumped a bunch of sh!t in an unventilated hole and it started on fire.  Now you want someone to fix this problem to the tune of $37 million?  Hmmm.

Rating: I give the Arkansas Dump fire 2 out of 5 possible slow claps for being another example of how stupid the human race is.  

The Arkansas Dump fire in all of is blazing glory.

Google Play Music

Google Play Music is something everyone should have to go along with their Google Home.  Everyone in our family likes listening to music and our google play music subscription allows us to listen to what we want when we want.  

We pay $13 per month for this subscription and it's worth it.  Here's why, instead of spending money on CD's or digital downloads that we will listen to for a while and then put away, we are paying to listen to everything.  It's like having every song that was ever made at your beck and call.  I can command Google to play any song, album, or genre in any room, at any time.  Can't remember the name of the song or the artist?  Did you hear a song on the radio and don't know who it's by?  No problem!  Just tell Google to play it and say a little bit of the lyrics, it usually gets it right.    

I have some diverse taste and it's really awesome to switch up what I'm in the mood for just by saying so.  I remember the olden days when we had to buy everything on tape or CD.  It was expensive and it cluttered up your home if you had much of a collection.  I know some people are all about vinyl these days but it presents the same problem, regardless of how nostalgic it may be. 

With the Google Play Music subscription, you can save on money and clutter.  You're welcome. 

Seasonal Sunday: Custom Cupcake Toppers

Keeping up with the birthday theme, I'll show you how to make some super cool, custom cupcake toppers that the kids are sure to love. As I mentioned in the last two posts, Frank (not his real name) had his birthday party last month and he wanted a Dogman party. Dogman is a character from a book series of the same name by Dav Pilkey.

Since Dogman isn't quite as popular as some other characters, I couldn't find a place to make a cake that would put Frank's favorite character on it. Apparently, there are licensing issues, legalities, and other crap that prevent the happiness of children. Realizing that I had to figure this out myself, I thought about how I could rip off Dav Pilkey and make my son happy. 

I came up with a great idea to make my own cupcake toppers instead of a cake with Dogman on it. I searched online for a variety of Dogman characters to steal and I printed them using a high-quality color printer. 

I sloppily cut out each character and ran them all through a laminator that is most certainly not at my work. Normally, I wouldn't laminate anything but I knew the kids would want to keep these so I made an exception. After laminating, I carefully cut out each picture.

To finish, I simply tapped each laminated picture onto cake pop sticks that I already had. I ordered cupcakes from Byerlys and made sure to ask for them in a box and not those annoying plastic containers. The end result was fantastic and the kids loved that they could take their custom cupcake topper home with them.

Dav Pilkey, if you are reading this, don't sue me for copyright infringement. No one reads this blog anyway. Thanks!

*Mama Betty's Pre-filled Easter Eggs and More!

Mama Betty is proud to announce a new produce and line of services just in time for Easter!  Are you busy?  Tired?  Worn out?  Has the holiday snuck up on you and you don't know what to do?  No problem!  With Mama Betty's pre-filled Easter eggs and more, you can still give your family the special holiday they deserve.  Giving your family a memorable holiday has never been easier.

All children love an Easter egg hunt and that is something we take pride in organizing.  Simply go to the website and select the number of children that will be participating and answer a few short questions about candy and color preferences so that we can tailor the hunt to each child in order to maximize their enjoyment.  If you don't have time to hide the eggs, don't worry, that's no problem.  Our skilled staff is happy to come to your home and hide the pre-filled Easter eggs for you, and if you don't have time to assist your little ones during the hunt, our staff can do that too.

Are you stumped at what to put in your child's Easter basket?  It can be hard to know what your children will like so leave it to us and not to chance.  Our staff uses an extremely extensive algorithm that can accurately predict what your child wants in their Easter basket 100 percent of the time.  If you like, our staff can go one step further and hide the basket for you and give all the credit to that big fluffy bunny that your kids love so much.    

If you don't have time to dye eggs with your kids or just don't want to, we can help.  Our staff is prepared to show up with enough dye packets and hard-boiled eggs to make any little one squeal with delight.  You don't want a mess?  With our highly trained staff, there will be no mess because we clean that up too.

Are you fretting over grocery shopping and meal prep?  Don't do that to yourself!  Mama Betty has a perfect solution for you with two options that are sure to please.  We have a team of chefs that will make your meal, deliver it to your door, and do all the clean up for you.  If that's not quite what you're looking for, we have an upgraded option where we will send a top chef to your home with all the groceries and trimmings.  Our top chef will prepare the food, do all the cleanup, and even give you the credit if you so choose.

Mama Betty's pre-filled Easter eggs and more are here to serve you.  Make the holiday special for your family and easy for you.  You won't regret it, just check out our testimonials!

It's the best food my wife's never made.

-Tom

This service is a dream come true for step-moms and women dating men with children!

-Linda

I know my kids loved it because they gave me a shout out on Snapchat to thank me.

-Brenda

You owe it to your children to get this service!

-Bobby Jo

*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty

Dear Betty: Reader Question 4/19/2019 Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Dear Betty,

What happened to Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle?

-Mike

Dear Mike,

I've spent a bit thinking about your question.  First of all, the term "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" was coined in the 1970s.  Around the time of the Vietnam war, people started demanding attention to air pollution, waste, and water quality.  Congress passed a Resource Conservation and Recovery Act in 1976, and the phrase Reduce, Reuse, Recycle came into play.

Things have changed a bit since then and depending on who you are talking to, there have been two Rs added.  Refuse, Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, and Rot.  I try to abide by the 5 Rs and I find that they make a lot of sense.  Just make sure you do them in order.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle is still a term that is used today but what I think you mean is that even though people are familiar with the 3 or 5 Rs, they don't practice them well.  I think we live in a time where people are very sheltered from the consequences of our actions.  It's easy to be blissfully ignorant of the global impact of our everyday choices.  Spreading the word about the need for change is why this blog exists.  Once people are aware, they can start to care and change their actions.  I hope that answers your question.

Thank you,

Betty

Do you have a question, comment, or suggestion?

I'd love to hear from you!

Email me at Mrs.Stebber@gmail.com or comment on the blog

Carrot Cake Your Family is Sure to Love

Carrot cake is one of those things that everyone in our family loves.  It can't be just any carrot cake, it has to be our carrot cake recipe.  We have made it our unofficial Easter dessert.  

When I was younger I never paid any attention to carrot cake because most people add nuts and/or raisins to it and I can't stand either of those things in cake.  Some places try to make it super fancy and have large strips of shredded carrots and that isn't great either.  Then I had Ethel's carrot cake bars.  That moment changed everything in the carrot cake world for me.  The bars were amazing and she was kind enough to share her "secret" ingredient with me.  So what was Ethel's "secret" ingredient?  Baby food!  It sounded bizarre to me but they were fabulous.  I regret not thinking at the time to have asked her for her recipe but I wasn't into baking and making things from scratch at that point in my life.  

I got into making things from scratch several years ago and I made a point to seek out a carrot cake recipe that was reminiscent of Ethel's delicious bars.  I tweaked the recipe a few times and I think it's just about perfect.  Today I'm going to share it with you so you might make it for your family for Easter.  I hope your family loves it as much as mine does.  

Betty's Carrot Cake

3 eggs

1 tsp baking powder

1 cup of vegetable oil

2 tsp cinnamon

2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 cups sugar

2 cups flour

1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

8oz baby food carrots (or pureed frozen carrots from last season's garden)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Mix eggs, sugar, and oil together.  Add dry ingredients and vanilla extract.  Fold in the carrots.  If you are making a bundt cake make sure you grease the pan extra good.  I use butter flavored Crisco because that works easiest for me.  Bake your bundt 40-45 minutes.  You can use a 9x13 pan for the same amount of time.  If you are doing cupcakes, make sure to spread the batter between 24 or they will get too big.  Cupcakes bake for about 21 minutes.  Make sure to let your cake cool before removing it from the pan and frosting.

Cream Cheese Frosting

8oz cream cheese

1 tsp vanilla

2-3 cups powdered sugar

Mix the ingredients until smooth and then frost your cake.  When I do cupcakes I color some frosting green and orange to make a little frosted carrot on each cupcake.  Be creative and have fun!

Last year's bundt frosted by Esmeralda.

Weekly Weigh In 4/17/2019

It's the third weigh-in of the month and I'm annoyed to report that we had an unexpected 1/3 of a bag of garbage go out this week.  I made oat milk and froze it and four of my mason jars cracked.  I'll have a post soon on how to freeze mason jars the right way.  Learn from my mistakes.  Ugh.

How did you weigh in this week?

"Perhaps you should change the name of the planet from Earth to Plastic."

-Turner

Receipts Give you Cancer

We have all heard that BPA is bad for us.  What you haven't heard is that BPA and its chemical cousin, BPS, are used as a developer in thermal printed receipts.  You don't handle any thermal receipts through right?  Yes, you do, they are the ones you get at the grocery store, at the mall, at the library, at restaurants and fast food establishments, your plane ticket and luggage tags, and the little receipt the gas pump spits out when you fill up your vehicle.

But there isn't very much BPA or BPS on a little slip of paper right?   Wrong again.  Because BPA and BPS are used as the developer on the paper it is unbound, which means it is on the surface and it transfers to your skin with ease.  Receipts tested for both chemicals found 37 to 79 micrograms of either BPA or BPS per square centimeter.  

So who's at risk?  Anyone handling receipts obviously but especially pregnant women, nursing mothers, women of childbearing age, or children and adolescents of both sexes that are still developing.  Cashiers have been shown to have higher levels of BPA and BPS in their bodily fluids than other occupations.  

Why does it matter?  BPA and BPS are reproductive, developmental, and systemic toxicants.  They are known to be estrogenic and carcinogenic.  When BPA and BPS are not seeping into your body through your skin, the receipts are causing contamination of wastewater from recycling plants and recycled paper.

You're welcome for this PSA.

 

Slow Clap Presents: Shucks, That's Sweet...Corn?

Real Story. Real Stupid.

I was grocery shopping at Target when I happened upon some peculiar looking corn.  Four ears of "trimmed" corn placed on a clear plastic tray and then wrapped in plastic wrap.  I stopped for the obvious photo opportunity.

The corn in question is that of Van Solkema Family Farms.  The corn has the ends cut and has been shucked save for a small strip that is left for some reason.  I am forced to surmise that the reason the strip of green husk is left for one of two reasons.  My first guess is that it looks appealing to potential buyers, no pun intended.  My second guess is that the sort of people who buy this corn like to peel that last little strip of husk away all by themselves to make the experience more authentic without the burden of having to shuck the entire ear of corn.    

I decided to reach out to the Van Solkema Family and inquire as to why they package their corn this way.  In a shocking twist, wait, no, they didn't respond.  

On a return visit to Target, I saw the corn packaged slightly different.  All was the same except the clear plastic tray was replaced with black styrofoam.  Maybe the clear plastic tray was uncomfortable for the corn and it needed something just a bit softer?  I'm not entirely sure but I believe the styrofoam is worse since it can't even be recycled.  If your garbage is being incinerated, the styrofoam might be slightly better.

The cost of this fancy corn is $3.99.  So really, that's a dollar each.  Regular corn is usually 50 cents each or depending on the time of year, you can get 4 for a dollar or even 8 for a dollar.  Why are people willing to pay such an exorbitant price for this sissy corn?  If you were forced to pay that much for corn you would be outraged.  It makes no sense. 

My two cents:  This is not the way you should buy corn.  Corn doesn't need to be placed on a tray and wrapped in plastic like it is some fragile commodity.  This is how a**holes buy their corn, don't be an a**hole, buy your corn in its natural packaging, the husk.

Rating:  I give pussy corn, yes, pussy corn 1 out of 5 possible slow claps.  I'd like to give more because it's just so freaking stupid but it isn't Earth-shattering, regardless of how stupid I think it is.   

   

Part Two: Twelve Indoor Plants That Want to Clean Your Air

Last month there was a post about house plants that will clean your air of ammonia, benzene, formaldehyde, carbon monoxide, xylene, and trichloroethylene.  You can read that post here.  So what are these chemicals in our air and how do they get there?  Glad you asked.

Ammonia-A colorless gas that is harmful to humans at high enough levels.  Ammonia is a common ingredient in household cleaners and is used in some refrigeration units.  Ammonia is in fertilizers and some fuels.  Urine, pet waste, and decaying plants are all sources of ammonia.  Long term exposure to high ammonia levels can lead to lung damage.

Benzene-In the air, Benzene is a vapor.  Sources of benzene include building materials, furniture, attached garages, heat and cooling systems, and certain stored solvents and paints.  Long term exposure to high benzene levels is potentially carcinogenic to humans.

Formaldehyde-In the air, formaldehyde is a gas.  It is used in building materials and insulation material.  It is used in the production of pressed wood such as particle board, plywood, and fiberboard.  It is an ingredient in household products, glues, adhesives, paper product coating, and permanent press fabric.  It is in tobacco smoke and is a by-product of combustion sources such as wood-burning stoves.  Formaldehyde is a known carcinogen.

Carbon Monoxide-A colorless gas that is created from the use of many appliances in your home.  Carbon monoxide can come from water heaters, cookers, boilers, heating systems, stoves, gas ranges, and grills.  Levels of carbon monoxide can build up in your home slowly over time and cause illnesses.  High levels are lethal.

Xylene-A solvent and vapor in the air.  Xylene is in paints, lacquers, and thinners.  It is used in adhesives and in rust proofing.  Xylene is in permanent markers.  Exposure can lead to illness and toxicity.

Trichloroethylene-A liquid that is a vapor in the air.  It is used in refrigerants and as a degreaser.  It an ingredient in wood finishes, paint remover, stain remover, and adhesives.  Trichloroethylene is a known carcinogen.