*The Garbage Man Can

Great News!  Homer Simpson has just won the seat for sanitation commissioner!  He beat current sanitation commissioner Ray Patterson.  Simpson dazzled voters with a new vision for waste management and his catchy slogan "can't someone else do it?"  

Simpson made his bid for office shortly after Love Day.  Love Day was the newest holiday added to the calendar that resulted in excess waste due to the heavy packaging of products.

Starting next month, Simpson will take office and all of his new ideas will take effect.  Residents can look forward to around the clock service and a garbage man to fulfill their every need.  Sanitation will now take care of all of your waste disposal and cleaning needs.  Why do something you don't want to when someone else can?  Let the garbage man take care of you and your family.  Why?  Because the garbage man can.

Update:  After one month of fantastic service, Simpson says he is out of money.  He apparently didn't realize that the budget was for the entire year.  Simpson wants everyone to remain calm and not to worry.  He is confident that he can fix everything.

Update 2:  Things were back on track and better than ever when all the sudden, trash started spewing from all parts of the city.  Literal trash eruptions were coming out of everything from golf holes to mailboxes.  It was discovered that Simpson was hauling in garbage from surrounding cities for profit and stuffing the waste into the old abandoned mine shaft.  Simpson once again promises to rectify this garbage nightmare.

Update 3:  Simpson's idea of lifting the town and stuffing the garbage underneath it was shot down by residents and the mayor.  Mayor Quimby has stepped in to solve this problem and his solution is to move the whole town five miles down the road.   

When former sanitation commissioner, Ray Patterson, was contacted about being reinstated, he had this to say:  "I'm not much on speeches but it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made, you're screwed.  Thank you, bye." 

Homer Simpson

Ray Patterson

*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty.