*Mama Betty's Dog Licker 2000

Do you have a licky dog?  A dog that engages in incessant licking for no reason at all?  A dog that licks to soothe itself due to deep-rooted psychological trauma?  Mama Betty has a new product just for you!  With Mama Betty's Dog Licker 2000 you can put that toned tongue to good use.  

Here's how it works.  The flavor ball sits inside of the flavor ball cradle.  The cradle is attached to a power cable that leads to a generator.  The generator is connected to your home's electrical system and powers your home.  

The secret is in the flavor ball.  Each flavor ball flavor has been carefully created and has an authentic taste that every dog loves.  Our scientists have worked hard to recreate flavors that no dog can resist.  We offer a wide variety of flavors to keep your licky dog interested in licking the flavor ball instead of himself.  Flavors currently available include peanut butter, mystery meat, rotting carcass, stale old piece of a chip that was stuck under the stove, stinky carpet stain, oh crap the goldfish is dead, dried worms, putrified mouse, bloated squirrel, last weeks garbage, I think that used to be a chipmunk, and timeless classics, genitals, and anus.

As your dog licks the delicious flavor ball, the generator harnesses that awesome, lick power.  Every 2000 licks are enough to power an average-sized home for a family of 5 for up to 24 hours.  

Mama Betty's Dog Licker 2000 is good for your licky dog.  When dogs lick themselves too much they get raw skin that can be painful and can lead to infection.  With your dog focused on the flavor ball, skin issues are no more! 

The Dog Licker 2000 works best for psychologically scarred animals.  Mama Betty recommends this product for all dogs but it is best suited for rescue dogs, mill dogs, abandoned dogs, dogs that have recently lost a companion, and any dog that was formerly owned by Michael Vick.

Mama Betty's Dog Licker 2000 is good for your dog, good for you, and good for the environment.  Save 10 percent if your dog is a mill rescue.  Get yours today!

Coming soon, for cats: The Pussy Licker 2000!

Michael Vick is a proud owner of Mama Betty's Dog Licker 2000.