Christmas Tree Cagematch (and the tale of the golden shower)

Before you set up a Christmas tree this holiday season, there are a few things to consider.  Are real trees or artificial trees better for the environment? Do you own an artificial tree?  What becomes of an artificial tree when you throw it away? Are you allergic to real trees?

When I was little, my mom used to complain about the people who got real trees.  She said it was terrible that they were cutting down trees that would only be enjoyed for a matter of weeks before it was tossed out and forgotten.  I was young and naturally believed her. I thought that getting an artificial tree was the right thing to do, so when I moved out on my own that’s what I did.  Except for that one year when the tree got peed on.

A lifetime ago, my husband at the time and I were offered a real tree for free.  We had bought a home through Edina Realty and they were giving trees that year as a thank you.  I didn’t want it but he talked me into getting it. He argued that they look better and they make the house smell nice.  This was 2004 and we had a newly trained puppy that we had got just that summer. I worried that the dog would pee on the tree.  Looks like a tree, smells like a tree, dogs pee on trees, I felt it was a solid argument. I was assured that the dog was smart enough not to do that.  

After the tree was decorated and all the presents were beautifully arranged below, the dog came around sniffing. He gave that tree a golden shower that would make Tiger Woods and R. Kelly proud. Pee rained on the presents below. Can’t blame the dog, can you?

Needless to say, p!ss tree was a total pain.  The dog marked it and it made a huge mess. Worst of all, I was highly allergic to the tree and it made for a miserable holiday season.  I swore I’d never do that again, free tree or not. The following year Edina Realty offered another tree, we took a poinsettia instead.

When it comes to the environment, real trees are where it’s at. They are grown for the purpose of becoming a sacrificial holiday offering.  When one is cut down, between one and three are planted in its place. The trees that are growing clean the air and give you oxygen.  Artificial trees are typically made from PVC, which is highly toxic. The way the tree is built prevents it from being recycled, so every fake tree produced will eventually go to a landfill forever.  

Final thoughts.  If I wasn’t so allergic, I would get a real tree every year and make it a special family tradition.  Since I can’t do that, I plan to use our artificial tree until I’m dead or the zombie apocalypse commences, whichever comes first.  If you already own a fake tree, keep using it. Don’t scrap it because you find something better. At the very least, give it away or sell it if you no longer want it.  If you don’t own an artificial tree, go for a real tree and rub it in all of your allergic friends' faces.

Real tree wins!!!

Christmas Tree Cagematch