*Mama Betty's Bottled Water

Mama Betty's test kitchen staff and our team of water sommeliers are proud to announce a new line of bottled water!  Rest assured this bottled water is not like any other bottled water that you have tried.  Mama Betty's bottled water is delicious, refreshing, and filling.  You don't have to take our word for it, check out our testimonials below! 

Everything about our bottled water is different, from the taste and texture to the shape of the bottle.  We promise you're going to love it from the first sip to the last chew. 

Our water is bottled at the source, which is the beautiful Citarum River.  The Citarum River is the longest and largest river nestled in West Java, Indonesia.  The river is robust and filled with an endless supply of excellent bacteria that will improve your health exponentially.  Staff at Mama Betty's wholeheartedly believe that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

Mama Betty's bottled water is never purified or treated in any way.  We believe water should be consumed in its most natural form, the way Mother Nature intended.  Without all of the unnecessary treatment, you will find that our water has much more flavor than that of other brands of bottled water.  

Our water will help curb your appetite naturally.  Our water retains much of the naturally occurring sediment that is packed with nutrients and good belly bugs that will help fill you up.  Since we want you to stay full, each bottle has more microplastic than any other bottled water on the market.  Between the sediment and microplastic, you will be able to curb your appetite for hours.  In fact, you can use Mama Betty's bottled water as a meal replacement if you are dieting.  Our water is so thick, you might just have to chew it.  For this reason, we recommend shaking the bottle vigorously between each refreshing gulp.

Because we care about your health, we only use virgin plastic for our bottles and microplastic additives.  We know how frustrating it is to drink out of a flimsy bottle so we designed ours to be extra thick.  We also took into consideration how frustrating spills can be so we created a special non-tip base.  Just go ahead and try to knock over a bottle of Mama Betty's, you can't!  We also considered the extra weight of the bottle that is a result of the extra thick plastic and extra thick water, we created an ergonomic grip that will feel nice and meaty in the palm of your hand.  The bottle itself is completed with a sippy top so that you don't have to waste time fiddling with a screw cap.  

You can surely see that all of us at Mama Betty's have thought of everything.  We are proud to be creating jobs in an area where work is in need.  We know you are going to love our bottled water and we stand by our product with a money back guarantee.  

Testimonials:

When I first tried Mama Betty's bottled water, I thought I was choking but I got it down and was full for three days.  I've never looked so thin!  Thanks for giving me my hot new bod! -Jessica

My husband and I just love the ergonomic shape of the bottles.  We seem to get thirsty just looking at the bottle and I'm not sure why.  Maybe it's just because the water is so delicious. -Brad

My doctor told me I got the worst case of food poisoning he's seen in his entire career.  It's the best thing that ever happened to me because now I look like Victoria's Secret model.  I told all my girlfriends to drink this stuff and they had similar results. 
-Genevieve 

Disclaimer:

Consume Mama Betty's bottled water at your own risk.  Drinking Mama Betty's bottled water can cause serious health issues.  Health issues can include but are not limited to food poisoning, explosive diarrhea, headache, nausea and vomiting, hallucinations, desire to grip random objects, permanent gag reflex syndrome, lust for goats, pica, or mild to moderate hair loss.

Here is one of our proud bottlers.  She makes sure to get the bottle low in the water to maximize the amount of delicious sediment in each and every bottle.

A refreshing bottle of Mama Betty's bottled water.

*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty.