Mama Betty's Magic Mistletoe is a must have for people looking for that special someone! This isn't your average mistletoe, as the name suggests, this is magic. Well, not real magic but it's even better than magic! Magic Mistletoe will snag that hottie 100% of the time, every time. How? With a patented three-tier approach. That's the magic of why it never fails, it literally can't fail. The first magical approach is that Mama Betty's Magic Mistletoe is absolutely jam-packed with pheromones. Not just one pheromone, all the pheromones. Androstenone, Androstenol, Androstadienone, and more Copulins than you can count! Your mistletoe is going to attract every type of suitor, so be careful. The second approach (not that you are going to need it) is an extra large net that is deployed on your command. The powerful pheromones will get your target close and once you voice activate net deployment, they can't get away even if they wanted to. Just be careful not to get yourself tangled in the net along with your target, unless, of course, that's the sort of thing you like. The third approach (not that you are going to need it) is a healthy dose of Chloroform. This is reserved for emergency situations only and caution is advised when utilizing this step. A Chloroform cloud will fog the area with a simple voice command. Again, extreme caution is advised with this third, and final approach in snagging that special someone. Don't leave your love life to chance! Get your very own Mama Betty's Magic Mistletoe while supplies last!
Warning: Use of Mama Betty's Magic Mistletoe is for entertainment purposes only. Use of this product could result in equipment damage, bodily harm, injury, or death. Make sure this product is appropriate for the intended purpose. Keep out of the reach of small children. Do not use this product near shallow water. This product contains peanuts. Use of this product could result in frivolous lawsuits, criminal charges and/or incarceration. Use Mama Betty's Magic Mistletoe at your own risk.
*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty
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