*Elf on the Shelf Exposé

Elf on the Shelf is a staple in many homes during the holiday season.  Elves are employed by North Pole Industries and are expected to perform a variety of tasks for their assigned family.  There is typically one elf assigned to a family with some families having as many as two elves.  

An elf is expected to hide and watch the behavior of children during the day and then fly back to the North Pole during the night to give an oral report to Santa.  The elf then flies back to the home of their assigned family, finds a new hiding spot, and resumes behavior watching, or "scouting."  The cycle continues until Christmas eve when all elves are picked up by Santa himself.  Elves are then allotted a short vacation before they return to the North Pole to begin working on preparations for the next holiday season.  

Years ago, elves were able to take the entire offseason to relax and vacation.  Nowadays elves are expected to work in the present making factory, chocolate factory, and bakery.  Elves harvest candy cane seeds to bring to their families and tend to large candy cane crops.  There is a uniform factory and outfit shoppe where all elf clothing is designed and sewn by hand.  Elves are expected to work with the St. Bernard puppies and reindeer that will later become elf pets for families.  There is a printing factory for all of the books that go along with the Elf on the Shelf franchise.   

Elves across the North Pole have grown tired of all of the hard work and low pay.  Elves are typically paid around 57 cents per day which is actually significantly less than incarcerated workers are paid in the United States.  One elf spoke with the promise of anonymity.  "Why should I work all year, 20 hours a day, for less than a prisoner is paid?  Us elves are sick and tired of being treated like the bottom rungs of society.  We want fewer hours and fair pay for our work or we'll be forced to go on strike," he said.  "What's the reason that we are paid so little?  The work we do is very important and the pay needs to be comparable to the joy and wonder that we provide for the children around the world.  Are we paid less because we are elves? Is it because we are small? Or is it because people are not properly informed about this terrible injustice?"  

Now that the word is getting out and the elves are threatening to strike this holiday season, North Pole Industries is forced to listen.  Hopefully, both sides can reach some middle ground and come to an agreement soon, since Christmas is just around the corner.  

*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty