Mr. Grouch, originally from Canada, was once a prolific hoarder. He has worked very hard and has received countless hours of psychotherapy to overcome this disorder. Oscar wants to use his celebrity status to bring awareness to this terrible affliction and he was kind enough to grant me an interview.
I wondered how much of a hoarder Oscar could be since he has limited space. His home is, after all, a trash can. “It isn’t common knowledge, but my home is dimensionally transcendental, it is much, much bigger than it appears on the outside. Once inside, you would have seen a piano, a swimming pool, bowling alley, ice rink, and even a farm. I had more than I needed but it was never enough,” says Mr. Grouch. Grouches are predisposed to suffer from hoarding, in fact, a Grouch is 20 times more likely to hoard than a human. I wondered if the reason was nature or nurture. According to Oscar, “The answer is both. Grouches are inherently drawn to trash, it’s in our genes, but growing up in Grouchland is a contributing factor for sure.” I asked what growing up in Grouchland was like. “It’s like living at the dump, but in a good way. Glorious trash is everywhere, as far as the eye can see. I was born to trashiness. I used to think it was beautiful but now I see it for what it really is. Trash.”
At this point, we take a break because Oscar is feeling emotional reflecting on his childhood. Grundgetta (his live-in girlfriend) comforts him and brings him a spinach and sardine chocolate fudge sundae. Oscar, now composed continues, “I’ve learned that material possessions, no matter how trashy and wonderful, will not bring you true happiness. It’s the things that you do in life and the loved ones you surround yourself with that bring happiness, not heaps and heaps of beautiful trash.” I asked what prompted the change to minimalism and he told me, “Slimey. Slimey was my pet worm and close friend. He was overcome by the smell of trash and methane gas it produced, and it killed him.”
It quite literally did, in fact, kill Slimey and that is what brought about this change of heart for Mr. Grouch. Slimey was no doubt fatally affected due to his small size but I wondered if Oscar or Grundgetta suffered any effects from the smell and toxic gas. Oscar told me, “We (he and Grundgetta) weren't affected since we’ve got no olfactory, I mean really, look at me, I’ve got no nose!”
Soon after the passing of Slimey, Oscar set out to make a change. He gave away nearly all of his worldly possessions and became a bonafide minimalist. “I gave away the piano, swimming pool, bowling alley, ice rink, farm, and even my sloppy jalopy, but I’ve gained so much in satisfaction and contentment. I am proud to say that I am no longer subjugated by trash. I’ve learned that less is more and I want to share that with everyone.” And with that last sentiment, the interview was over. Bruno, the trashman, appears and lifts Oscar up in his trashless can and hauls him away. I thank him and tell him he is brave for sharing and that I’m sure his experience will prompt change and help people all over the world.
I wondered how much of a hoarder Oscar could be since he has limited space. His home is, after all, a trash can. “It isn’t common knowledge, but my home is dimensionally transcendental, it is much, much bigger than it appears on the outside. Once inside, you would have seen a piano, a swimming pool, bowling alley, ice rink, and even a farm. I had more than I needed but it was never enough,” says Mr. Grouch. Grouches are predisposed to suffer from hoarding, in fact, a Grouch is 20 times more likely to hoard than a human. I wondered if the reason was nature or nurture. According to Oscar, “The answer is both. Grouches are inherently drawn to trash, it’s in our genes, but growing up in Grouchland is a contributing factor for sure.” I asked what growing up in Grouchland was like. “It’s like living at the dump, but in a good way. Glorious trash is everywhere, as far as the eye can see. I was born to trashiness. I used to think it was beautiful but now I see it for what it really is. Trash.”
At this point, we take a break because Oscar is feeling emotional reflecting on his childhood. Grundgetta (his live-in girlfriend) comforts him and brings him a spinach and sardine chocolate fudge sundae. Oscar, now composed continues, “I’ve learned that material possessions, no matter how trashy and wonderful, will not bring you true happiness. It’s the things that you do in life and the loved ones you surround yourself with that bring happiness, not heaps and heaps of beautiful trash.” I asked what prompted the change to minimalism and he told me, “Slimey. Slimey was my pet worm and close friend. He was overcome by the smell of trash and methane gas it produced, and it killed him.”
It quite literally did, in fact, kill Slimey and that is what brought about this change of heart for Mr. Grouch. Slimey was no doubt fatally affected due to his small size but I wondered if Oscar or Grundgetta suffered any effects from the smell and toxic gas. Oscar told me, “We (he and Grundgetta) weren't affected since we’ve got no olfactory, I mean really, look at me, I’ve got no nose!”
Soon after the passing of Slimey, Oscar set out to make a change. He gave away nearly all of his worldly possessions and became a bonafide minimalist. “I gave away the piano, swimming pool, bowling alley, ice rink, farm, and even my sloppy jalopy, but I’ve gained so much in satisfaction and contentment. I am proud to say that I am no longer subjugated by trash. I’ve learned that less is more and I want to share that with everyone.” And with that last sentiment, the interview was over. Bruno, the trashman, appears and lifts Oscar up in his trashless can and hauls him away. I thank him and tell him he is brave for sharing and that I’m sure his experience will prompt change and help people all over the world.
Mr. Grouch is pictured before his transition to minimalism, circa 1970
*Satirical Saturday Brought to You by Betty
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