Weekly Weigh In 10/31/18

This week we had zero bags of garbage to put out.  That brings our total for October to one large bunch of plastic from a new twin mattress, 2 tennis rackets, 2.5 bags of garbage, 3 tarps, 4 calling birds, and FIVE GOLD RINGS.  Those last two items may not be completely accurate.  Overall October wasn't terrible but could have been better.  How did you weigh in?

Reducing Waste on Halloween

Many believe Halloween is an ancient celebration that began as Celtic harvest festivals, specifically the Samhain Gaelic (Scottish) festival that celebrates the end of the harvest season.  Others credit Christianity with the inception of Halloween. Christian dogma dictates that November 1st is All Hallows’ Day, November 2nd is All Souls Day, which makes October 31st All Hallows’ Eve.  Historically, Christians honored loved ones that have passed by lighting candles and saying prayers.

Regardless of the actual origin of Halloween, I surmise that the meaning has been lost and it has become the secular and commercialized holiday that we know it as today. I’m not a religious person, I celebrate Halloween because it’s fun for the kids to dress up and eat too much candy. I’ve always thought that it’s a little bit funny that we spend 364 days of the year telling our kids not to take candy from strangers, but then we spend Halloween walking them to the homes of people we don’t know for the specific purpose of acquiring said candy.

We grow our own pumpkins most years and it gives pumpkin carving a little bit more street cred.  The kids watch as the pumpkins grow in our garden and they argue about who gets which one. We compost the pumpkin guts and also the pumpkin after it has served its purpose.  

Costumes are tricky business.  On one hand, I feel that children have a finite amount of Halloweens to enjoy and they should be thoroughly enjoyed with a different costume each year.  On the other hand, the costumes are expensive and wasteful. We have bought costumes, made costumes, and pieced together old costumes to make something new.  I like to pass on costumes that my kids can no longer wear to others who will enjoy them. If you can avoid buying a new one with all of the packaging, do so.  Instead of the “disposable” glow sticks, just use a flashlight. Inevitably, at some point the packaging, as well as the costume, will be trash, so trying to reduce the amount of waste is peril.    

Candy is the worst Halloween offender.  Everything is bite size and wrapped in plastic wrappers that will live on for eternity in the landfill.  I don’t have a solution to this conundrum since I friggin’ love candy and will never give it up. You should consider that all the wrappers from every Halloween of your life still exists somewhere.  

Americans buy 600 million pounds of candy per year.  In 2015, Americans spent 6.9 billion dollars on Halloween.  Food for thought.

Vital Farms Presents: The Incredible, Edible Egg

I often joke that happy chickens taste better.  I’m not sure I would be able to taste the difference but it’s true that consuming animals that were well cared for is healthier for you.  It’s also easier on my conscience.

Factory egg chickens live in horrible conditions.  We have all heard this but few of us give it much thought.  To fully understand what’s wrong with factory egg farms, we must first understand what it is to be a wild hen.  

Wild hens or chickens who live in a natural environment can live 10 to 15 years. They lay only 10 to 15 eggs per year and only during breeding season.

The life of a factory egg chicken starts out one of two ways.  If you are a male chick, you are suffocated or ground up in an industrial macerator because you serve no purpose.  Male chicks born to egg-laying hens are not used for meat and are therefore a waste. If you are a female chick you are sent to an egg farm and placed into what is called a “battery cage.”  A battery cage is a small wire cage that holds between 5 and 10 birds. You will not be able to stretch your wings and you will stand on wire that will cut your feet. Because these conditions are stressful and you are likely to peck at your fellow cage companion, your beak will have a portion cut off with a hot blade.  You are the product of selective breeding and genetic manipulation, so you are expected to lay between 250 and 300 eggs per year. Since this is unnatural and hard on your body, at around the age of 12 to 18 months, your egg production will decline and you will be sent to slaughter. You have spent the entirety of your life in a cage and then you are stuffed into a slaughter cone and your throat is cut which causes you to bleed out.

“Cage-free” or “free range” chickens are not kept in cages but in sheds and usually do not have access to the outdoors.  Farmers are allowed to keep thousands of birds in crowded barns and still call it “cage-free” or “free range.” These birds are also stressed and have a high rate of disease and mortality.  

Vital Farms is outstanding.  Their chickens are pasture raised and have plenty of space, 108 square feet per bird, to be exact.  The “ladies” as they call them, go out of their barn in the morning and are able to graze and peck all day long.  They can be in the sun or the shade and have access to fresh water at all times. They rotate pastures to make sure they have access to fresh healthy food.  

I’m guilty of grabbing the cheaper eggs because of the price.  It’s easy to put things out of your mind and go about your day.  It’s when you stop and think about what is really going on and how we got to this point that you really want to make a change. Science proves that eggs from healthy chickens are healthier for us. I’m not okay with how factory egg chickens are treated and I’m only going to buy pasture raised, certified humane eggs from now on.  It costs more but when all things are considered, it’s worth it.

The National Eagle Center

A few times a year my brother and I go on a field trip with the old man. The old man loves the picturesque beauty of the outdoors and enjoys photographing all the wonders that mother nature has to offer. The three of us took a field trip to the National Eagle Center in Wabasha at the beginning of October. I figured it would be fun and it would be nice to spend time with like-minded dorky people. What I didn’t expect was to be fascinated by these powerful birds of prey. I enjoy copious amounts of random facts as much as the next philomath but this was really something. 

The Eagle Center has an an area where you can get up close to the five eagles that reside there. Each of their resident eagles has been injured in some way and despite the very best care, they are not able to survive on their own in the wild. They looked differently up close than I had imagined. Their thick legs reminded me of the Muppets. They were...cute. You are able to be just a couple of feet away from the birds and a knowledgeable volunteer is there to answer any question that you may want to ask.

There are two floors of interactive exhibits. I was entertained by several of the exhibits, so I’m pretty sure kids would enjoy it too. I liked an exhibit that shows you what an eagle sees. You look through a lens and can see a small rodent. When you take your eye away from the lens and look for the rodent, it’s really hard to find with your naked eye. There is another exhibit where you can test your grip strength and compare it to the grip strength of an eagle. Spoiler alert, an eagle has a grip strength of 400 psi and will kick your a**.

The highlight of the field trip was the classroom program. The old man made sure we got to the eagle center before it opened so that we would be able to get a front row seat. We took turns standing in line 45 minutes before the classroom doors opened. It was on my shift that an older woman pretended to look at the map in front of me before she pulled a pathetic attempt at a line cut. According to Larry David, a successful chat and cut will assure the cutter a better spot with the original line stander none the wiser. A successful chat and cut this was not. Not only did this lady cut in front of me but all the people in line behind me as well. I kindly pointed this out to her but she stood her ground. She wisely left three seats open in the front row, lest I would have wrestled her to the ground. The balls on old ladies, but I digress. The classroom program runs an hour but it flies by since they keep your attention with all of the interesting facts, or “useless knowledge”, as I like to call it. The culmination of the program is resident eagle, Angel, eating for your viewing pleasure. Angel was offered a heaping hunk of fish and she pretended like she wasn’t interested. Just when I thought this bird was going to leave us high and dry, she tore into that fish with entertaining veracity. She tore that thing up! Because we were in the front row, I could hear the snapping sounds the bones were making and I got a great view of the flesh ripping apart. It was so disgusting that I tried to look away but I couldn’t. Angel had me transfixed. 

The National Eagle Center is time well spent learning about how our actions impact eagles and how we can take care of these birds and the planet better. It’s worth your time and money. Do it for Angel.

 Angel looking majestic.

Random guy kissing the fake eagle.

When Life Gives You Straws, Suck it up

Sometimes the best intentions go wrong.  Magdalene (not her real name) and I went out for some quality time together last month.  It isn’t often that we get much one on one time together, so it was nice for me to smother her spend an afternoon with her. We did a little geocaching (because we are proud hardcore nerds) and then went out to dinner.  We thought ahead and bought our own to go containers, our own reusable straws, and a cloth napkin to wrap the used straws in after use.  Once we were seated, the waitress came to take out drink order. We each ordered a pop and Magdalene asked for water too. We made sure to politely say “NO STRAWS.”  We were just about to begin self righteously patting ourselves on the back when the waitress returned with our drinks. Each drink had a straw already stuck in it. Ugh!  As soon as the waitress walked away, Magdalene grabbed her straws to remove them. I stopped her and told her just to use them. “But it’s bad for the environment,” she protested. She wanted to use the straws we brought. The thing is, the straws are going in the trash either way, whether we use them or not. At this point, it’s better to just suck it up, literally.  “You should say something to her (the waitress),” she suggested. The waitress was clearly busy and just made a mistake. I felt it was best to just let it go. It’s just a few straws. It’s a process and it’s going to happen.  We tried our best. When you go to establishments with your own containers or utensils make sure you are proactive and ask for what you want (or don’t want) ahead of time. You don’t want to bring your travel cup to Starbucks just to have your drink made in a plastic cup and then poured into your reusable cup.  Try your best, plan ahead, be polite, and suck it up when your fabulous plan of less fails.

*Professor Astir’s Trash Blasters

Good news everyone!  Professor George Astir has solved the World’s 2.6 Trillion pounds per year trash problem.  Professor Astir has teamed up with Space X to solve this trash crisis and together, they are ready to announce the beginning of a new era of waste management.  Trash will be blasted at the Sun with a hardy fleet of Ariane V rockets. Each Ariane V rocket is equipped to handle a 15,432-pound payload of solid waste. To haul one year’s worth of trash to the Sun, it will take 168 million Ariane V rockets, or “Trash Blasters,” as Professor Astir has dubbed them.  Due to the sheer volume of Trash Blasters required for trash relocation, Space X plans to build spaceports in every major city. The cost is a staggering 33 quadrillion (not including the spaceports) but having trash no longer an issue, it practically pays for itself. The Trash Blasters are predicted to have a 97 percent success rate.  What about that other 3 percent? Professor Astir explains “Nothing is 100 percent. There is going to be a small fraction of collateral damage. If a Trash Blaster should explode, miss the Sun, or collide with a meteor, it will be catastrophic. We will have burning hot trash and nuclear waste raining down on our oceans, atmosphere, and populated soil.  This will greatly impact our commercial, industrial, and residential neighborhoods. I’d like to stress that this is just a small price to pay to continue our way of life. Because people can buy and toss whatever they want, the economy will soar with beautiful consumerism. Imagine the freedom of using only disposables, they make life much more convenient and enjoyable.”  Trash Blasters are set to launch early next year and are expected to blast us into a new chapter of waste management.

Trash Blaster concept drawing, courtesy of Futurama

*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty

Dear Betty: Reader Email 10/26/18

Dear Betty,

How can you have zero garbage bags? What are you doing with items like used tissues, hair from hair brushes, non-recyclable wrappers, meat bones, bits of rubber and so forth that break off things? Even if you got your meat wrapped in old newspapers you can't recycle that paper.

-Anonymous

Thank you so much for your email!  Good questions.  To clarify, we don't put the garbage out unless it is close to being full or full unless there is a smell for some reason.  We are liberal with what we compost so there isn't much left that actually goes into our trash.  Used tissues and hair go in our compost, it breaks down fast and is recommended to balance out your green to brown ratio.  Keeping your ratio in check helps things break down faster without offensive odors.  Meat bones would go in the trash although this is something we almost never have.  I'm a picky baby and I don't like bones in my food.  I like to pretend that meat is just some substance that comes from the store and that they make it in the back out of recycled newspaper.  Bits of rubber or plastic that might break off things doesn't happen much but I guess if it's plastic and large enough, I would recycle it.  If it is rubber, I suppose it would go in the trash.  Our ground beef comes in a small bag and that is trash.  The chicken packaging we use is recyclable.  Other meat packaged in plastic would go in the trash, along with any wrappers that can't be recycled.

Thanks for reading,

-Betty

Do you have a question, comment, or suggestion?

I'd love to hear from you!

Email me at Mrs.Stebber@gmail.com or comment on the blog

Off Gassing (I swear it wasn’t me)

Not that kind of gas.  It isn’t infrequent that I use the term off-gassing so let’s talk about what that means.  You haven’t heard of “off-gassing?” Yes, you have, but you have heard it called “VOC.”  Volatile Organic Compound. You have probably heard that VOCs are bad for you but didn’t give it much thought.  I didn’t either. We have probably all heard that plastic is bad for us and if you are like I used to be, you take it with a grain of salt.  I used to think it was just dirty patchouli-wearing hippies that freaked out about this sort of thing. (No offense to any dirty patchouli-wearing hippies who may be reading.)  How bad can it be? It’s everywhere, right? So what’s the big deal? I can talk all day about all the ways that plastic is bad for us but in the interest of your time I’ll explain just this one today.  Plastic is made from a mixture of fossil fuel (liquid petroleum gases, natural gas liquids, and natural gas) and polymerized carbon. Plastic “additives” are then added to create whatever type of plastic is needed.  It’s basically a fossil fuel and chemical soup. You buy a product and bring it into your home, you take it out of the bag (because everything is sealed in a bag right?) and put it where it needs to go. Have you ever noticed a smell when you take a new plastic something out of the bag?  A new small appliance, kitchen bowls or utensils, a shower curtain perhaps? How about that new car smell, new carpet smell, new mattress or furniture smell? It’s all VOCs. That smell is the chemicals that the product is made from. Even after the smell goes away it continues to release gas into the air that you and your loved ones breathe.  Off-gassing is linked to over 180 human diseases and health conditions. Join me and the dirty patchouli-wearing hippies and start saying “NO” to plastic!

You want to read more about off gassing and VOCs?

https://myplasticfreelife.com/2007/07/whats-wrong-with-plastic-anyway/

https://www.custommade.com/blog/off-gassing/

Weekly Weigh In 10/24/18

It's hump day and that means it's time to weigh in. This week the handsome husband rolled out the yard waste bin, the recycling bin, and one bag of trash. 

 How did you weigh in this week?

McDonald’s Toys Are What’s Wrong With Us

I wrote about cups in Happy Meals from McDonald’s in Cup of Crap (Thanks McDonald’s) and it got me thinking about how Happy Meal toys are a perfect example of our behavior.  I should disclose that I am a dedicated fast food slut and I love McDonald’s. It’s greasy, delicious, and good for you. That last part may or may not be true. We take our small children to McDonald’s and they all behave the same.  They are filled with excitement because all little kids love the Happy Meal and they bounce around with boundless energy. You go to the counter to order your food and they start asking what toy it is. It’s always something cool that they want so badly. They go to the display case and slobber it up and streak their little grease monster fingers all over it. Which toy is it going to be? Maybe this one! Maybe that one! Which one? You take them to wash their hands and find a table. If you are at our McDonald’s you wait forever and day until your food is ready and they bring it to your table.  The order is probably wrong and you sort that out too. You take the bagged toy out of the Happy Meal so that your little monster can focus on eating. They pester you to find out which toy it is and you show them but tell them to finish their food before they can have it. Either it’s the toy they wanted and they whine because they want it now or it’s the wrong toy and they whine because it’s not what they wanted.  You go to the counter and swap the wrong toy for the right toy. You are asked ten more times “when can I haaaave it?!?!” You repeat ten more times “when you’re done, now eat your food.” Finally, they finish and need help opening the bag. You help and they take it out. They are elated and immediately start playing with it and this toy is now the motherf!cking shiznit. “It’s so cool.” “It’s just the one I wanted.” You hear on the way out to the car and on the drive home.  Sometimes on the way home the toy loses its status and is left in the car. Sometimes the toy makes it home and is played with that night and then never again. Sometimes it takes a few hours, or even a day or two but they all meet the same fate. Every last one will be set aside, put in a drawer, or stashed in the closet and forgotten. What was once a treasure is now literally trash. What a waste right? But we all do this over and over again. We all do this with phones, laptops, and other electronics.  We do it with clothes and makeup. We do it with cars and boats. We do it with most everything we own. What I am realizing is that we don’t value anything and we teach our children to do the same. We should be teaching them to value the things they are fortunate to have and to take care of them. We need to teach them that things that are not broken do not need to be replaced. We must teach them that mindless consumerism will not bring them happiness or fulfillment. We must teach them not to toss things out for no reason.  It’s easier said than done, but I can tell you that we are working towards this and we are feeling more content and satisfied with what we have. We are saving more money than before and it’s a real satisfaction to make such strides. Less really is more.

Homemade Ear Wax Candles

Most zero waste blogs are going to tell you that Q-tips (or cotton swabs on a stick) are dangerous for your ears and that you shouldn’t use them.  Case closed. What about the rest of us who can’t rely on voodoo magic and prayer to keep our ears clean? Because I’m a classy broad who finds satisfaction in an unusually clean external auditory canals, I say go ahead and use Q-tips!  If I were stranded on an island with only three things, one of those things would be a box of Q-tips. I’m not talking about the cheap generic kind that does nothing, I mean actual Q-tip brand Q-tips, the kind that gives you an ear-gasm with each and every use.  Yes, an ear-gasm. The Q-tip brand offers a recyclable package. I know recycling isn’t the answer but in this case, it’s the best I can do. The paper for the sticks is sustainably resourced and the other part is just plain old cotton. Our family tosses them in the compost because they are biodegradable.  What about homemade ear wax candles? Gross. That was just click bait baby!

A "See" of Trash

No, I didn’t spell that wrong.  Before my environmental awakening, I walked into a store and was excited by the possibilities.  Things are set and placed in a way to appeal to us. Lighting, colors, and shiny things attract our attention and draw us into a sale.  You think “I could use this, I need one of these, this would be so handy.” Bigger, better, faster, newer is all the rage. “If I had this, I would be so happy.”  The truth is that material objects don’t make you happy and you already have too much stuff but we fall for the sales pitch over and over again.  I started to see things differently recently. When I walk into a store I see things at the end of their life instead of shiny and new. The shade of makeup you try but don’t really end up liking will go in the trash.  The lotion that promises to erase your cellulite (but doesn’t) will go in the trash. The phone to replace the one you have that works fine but feels obsolete will eventually be trashed or recycled. The costume for your dog that will be worn for five minutes for a picture will be trashed or donated.  The toy your child wants but won’t really get played with will be donated or put in the trash. Like it or not, someday every single thing you own will be waste. Next time you walk into a store, take a look around and think about where those things will be in a month, a year, or a decade.  What do you see?

A Bidet? I Don’t Mind If I Bi-do!

My husband ordered a Bio-Bidet back in 2012.  I thought he was nuts. A few hundred American dollars for something to spray your rump seemed pretty crazy to me but since we are good at compromising, (or at least we are sympathetic to the perceived needs of the other) we ordered the Bio-Bidet.  The whole family was excited to try it out and it didn’t disappoint. It warms the seat and the water, it has buttons on the commode as well as a handheld remote and offers several cleaning features. Ladies can wash the front, everyone can wash the back, and you can use a drying feature to eliminate the need for toilet paper.  Feeling backed up? You can wash the poop right out of your butt with the touch of a button. Not kidding. Kids can use it to cut down or eliminate skids. It will wash out your undercarriage after an evening spent copulating. A Bio Bidet just might be what your bathroom needs.

BB-1000 Supreme

* Do You Suffer from Recyclaphobia?

Recyclaphobia is an acute specific phobia that is presenting all over the country.  The National Institute of Mental Health is scrambling to understand this new acquisition of fear. Recyclaphobia is a specific phobia that stems from an anxiety disorder. In simple terms, Recyclaphobia is an inability to recycle due to mental barriers. Anxiety disorders are rooted deep within our brains in the amygdala.  The amygdala processes events associated with fear. Any type of recyclable materials can be perceived as potential stimulus. The onset of Recyclaphobia is rapid and sufferers seem to exhibit symptoms almost immediately.  Symptoms start small and include blurred vision, sweating, trembling, dry mouth, and unsteady gait as the subject approaches the recycling bin. The larger the recycling bin, the greater the response in the subject. The phobia progresses, as does the anxiety level and perceived threat, thus increased symptoms are exhibited. Moderate symptoms include hot flashes or chills, shortness of breath or difficulty breathing, a sensation of butterflies in the stomach, nausea, headache and/or dizziness, and ringing in the ears. Severe symptoms include, but are not limited to, the sensation of choking, rapid heartbeat or tachycardia, pain or tightness in the chest, feeling faint, numbness or the feeling of pins and needles, and confusion or disorientation.  If you or someone you know experiences severe symptoms, call emergency medical services right away. For mild or moderate symptoms, see your doctor. There are very successful treatment options. Psychologists can offer one on one therapy to develop coping strategies and psychiatrists can offer medication to help combat anxiety associated with Recyclaphobia. There has been a breakthrough in treatment with virtual reality (VR) systematic desensitization. With VR technology, subjects can practice recycling small materials in smaller sized recycling bins and work towards multiple materials in a larger size bin. Once patients feel comfortable recycling in virtual reality, they can practice in one of our state of the art home models. After successfully recycling in our home model, patients are able to start recycling in small amounts, in a small bin, in the comfort of their own home. While there is no cure for Recyclaphobia, there is treatment.  If you or someone you love is suffering, there is help.

*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty

Dear Betty: Reader Email 10/19/2018

Betty-

Hey there.  I saw your post Our Dog Wears Diapers on the Underdog Rescue Alumni page on Facebook.  We have an underdog (actually 3 of them) too.  We have a tiny little Yorkie guy who also wears diapers.  We can't imagine life without him!  He came to us for hospice care and vets thought he would only live 2-3 months, that was over 3 years ago.  I saw that you compost your diapers!  We are a super recycling, composting, trying to be zero waste family but we're always talking about those dang dog diapers!!  Would you mind sharing what type of diapers you use?

Thanks for the tips!
-Mel

Thanks so much for your email, Mel!  I love hearing stories about other rescue dogs, so thanks for sharing.  We use Up & Up brand diapers from Target.  They are made from wood fluff pulp and cotton, so they breakdown in the compost pretty fast.  We use a little paper tape to secure the diaper a little tighter since Pixel can wiggle out of them.  The paper tape is biodegradable and goes in the compost with the diaper.  Urine is great for compost, so that is helpful too.  A reader suggested a reusable option called Luxja.  She said they work great for her.  She washes the reusable absorbent pad in vinegar and dish soap and then lets them air dry until her next bleach load of laundry.  I haven't tried them yet myself but they sound like a great option if you have the time to take care of washing them.

Do you have a question, comment, or suggestion?
I'd love to hear from you!

Email me at Mrs.Stebber@gmail.com or comment on the blog

Mel's dog, Carter

The Unnatural Natural Food Store

My oldest daughter Harriet (not her real name) needs behind the wheel hours.  What a perfect excuse to check out the local natural food stores! I had Harriet give me the Miss Daisy treatment and we checked out three local natural food stores.  I eagerly explored (while she followed me in boredom) Valley Natural Foods, Fresh Thyme, and Mazopiya. I hated each one. If you are shopping for plastic packaged hypocrisy or patchouli oil, then these places might just be what you are looking for!  These stores quickly brought to my attention the alarming disconnect between healthy, organic food and sustainable, responsible packaging. I want to bring attention to this issue to hopefully bridge the gap. If I want to spend my hard earned money on natural, organic, sustainable, or free trade food and products, I don’t want it overpackaged in plastic.  Plastic packaging was everywhere, in/on/around practically every item. Each store offers a variety of food and spices in bulk but you have to put your bulk items in a large plastic bag. What’s the point in bulk if you need to put it in plastic? Yes, you can bring your own reusable bags or container but that can be awkward for many people. You have to get the tare weight of the container before you shop and that’s hard to do when you are new at this.  Why can’t they offer paper bags for the bulk section in two or three sizes? You could recycle or compost the paper bag. I laughed out loud at Fresh Thyme after Harriet and I navigated the sea of plastic and discovered the bamboo toothbrushes (packaged in plastic) on the other end of the store. It was a slow clap sort of moment. Buying a bamboo toothbrush packaged in plastic doesn’t cancel out the rest of the trash you will be producing by shopping. Harriet didn’t understand why it was so funny to me.  It was ridiculous to me that the stores were so far from what I had envisioned. It was hypocrisy at its best. “But the plastic has already been made,” she told me. Yes, the plastic in the store had already been made and by buying it we are perpetuating the perceived need for more. We need to let stores know we don’t want things packaged in plastic by refusing to purchase these items. Every time we buy things packaged this way we are saying that’s what we want. Now let’s all grab our torches and pitchforks and buy some patchouli oil packaged in glass!

Weekly Weigh In 10/17/18

It's that special time again, garbage day.  I'm happy to report we had one bag of garbage this week and nothing else.  October got off to a trash-tastic start and I'm glad we seem to be back on track.  

How did you weigh in this week?

Who Gives a Crap? I Do, and You Should Too

Who Gives a Crap is a company that sells recycled and sustainable toilet paper, tissue, and paper towels.  I heard about them from a few resources and finally decided to check them out. Not only is the product sustainable but the packaging is too!  I ordered the 48 pack of recycled three-ply toilet paper. It cost me 48 American dollars and the shipping was free. I eagerly awaited the arrival.  The rolls come wrapped in paper and in a large box. The toilet paper is made from recycled paper, you can compost the tube and wrapper, and recycle the box.  Friggin’ genius if you ask me! My son Frank (not his real name) delighted in stacking the rolls until we got them put away. I will be honest and say that the recycled paper toilet paper is not very soft.  It doesn’t bother me but some people might like something softer. My brother calls toilet paper that isn’t soft “ass ripper brand.” This might fall into that category. Again, it doesn’t bother me and it’s a matter of personal preference.  If your derriere is delicate and longs for something special, you can order the premium option and that should be softer. I’m quite satisfied with Who Gives a Crap and will continue to buy our toilet paper from them.

China Doesn’t Want Your Damn Plastic

Since 1992 China has taken 106 million metric tons of plastic from other countries. That’s 45% of the World’s plastic. China has been taking our plastic and selling it back to us in a perpetual cycle for a long time.  Let’s say you buy product A, you use product A, you recycle product A. Instead of being recycled here in the United States, it is shipped to China for recycling.  It is then made into a new product and brought back here on a shipping container or reduced to plastic pellets called “nurdles” and sold to a company which will make it into a new product here and sold back to you. Now you go to the store and buy product A.1, the process repeats and you buy product A.2, the process repeats and you buy product A.3. This continues until this plastic can no longer be recycled and it goes into a landfill in Somewhere, USA.  This is an overly simplistic example but the point remains the same. In 2017 China passed a policy banning plastic waste import. This has caused a backup of recycling here and many municipal recycling plants are diverting recyclable materials to landfills. This results in more “virgin” plastic production which creates pollution and drains valuable fossil fuel resources. Fees for recycling are set to increase as municipal facilities scramble to keep up with an increasing workload. Through 2018 and into 2019 the ban is set to expand and will include other valuable resources such as paper. We have a huge problem that most people haven’t even heard about. I don’t understand why this isn’t news. We need to decrease the plastic we buy and use, especially single-use plastic. If you would like to read more please click here.

Plastic Straws Suck More Than A Two Dollar Hooker

I freaking love using straws!  I’m not sure if I have some sort of unhealthy oral fixation but I require a straw for most beverages.  It brings me great sadness to learn that straws aren’t good for us and they aren’t good for the environment. Plastic single use straws are made from (you guessed it) crap plastic and you know from reading my comedic and informative blog that we shouldn’t be putting crap plastic (or really any plastic) into our bodies.  Since single use straws are difficult or impossible to recycle, they get tossed into muggle trash cans around the world and they go to the dump. We don’t need more plastic buried in a hole but we are actually lucky if the straws we throw “away” end up buried in a hole.  Why? Great question! Many straws find their way into water systems that ultimately lead to the ocean. If said straws are not gobbled up by not so palate savvy animals, they end up in the water and eventually photodegrade. Photodegradation is a process where the plastic breaks into smaller and smaller pieces from exposure to the sun's ultraviolet rays.  Those smaller pieces are eaten by fish and eventually go up the food chain to humans. The tiny plastic pieces that don’t get eaten stick around like a sludge in the water. Does The Great Pacific Garbage Patch come to mind? It should. So what to do if you also have an unhealthy oral fixation like me? Invest in high quality reusable straws. I love the stainless steel and silicone straws made by Kleen Kanteen.  They are easy to clean and easy to take anywhere. Yes, they have silicone, but it’s high quality and will last many years and doesn’t leach evil toxins. Speaking of evil toxins, don’t fall for reusable plastic straws. They are still crap and present the same issues as single use plastic straws. You can also get glass straws (they are shatter proof), stainless steel straws, or bamboo straws. All good choices. Giving up “disposable” straws is a huge step that makes a big difference. It’s easy to get into the habit of saying “no straw” at a restaurant. In fact, the first time I brought my own straw to a restaurant I felt like they were going to look at me all weird but I had a waitress stop over at our table to tell me how cool it was that we had brought our own straws! Me cool? I don’t think so but being environmentally wise is pretty darn cool. Check out my straws below, they are cool AF.

All the Things YOU Can compost

Compost isn’t just for food scraps.  There is a great deal of organic matter that people can compost.  I’ve read extensively on the matter and tried it, so I’ve done the hard work for you. We can go head to toe on what YOU can compost. Hair. You comb or brush it, pull it out of the drain, vacuum it up.  It’s compost. If you use non-plastic Q-Tips you can compost the Q-Tip and the paper part of the box it came in. Recycle the plastic part of the box. Do you have allergies or just have a runny nose? Kleenex goes in the compost, same thing if you are using a paper napkin or paper towel. Do you use cotton balls or cotton rounds? If you haven’t used nail polish remover or an astringent, you can compost them.  Nail trimmings are great for composting but I would remove any nail polish first. Tampons, cardboard applicators, and paper wrappers can be tossed in the compost. Natural latex condoms are compostable but can take a while to breakdown.  Urine is crazy good for compost. Urine is high in nitrogen and is great for compost and plants. How you get the urine to your compost bin is your business. I let my son pee on it from time to time when he is playing in the yard. Six-year-old boys delight in urinating on most anything, might as well be the compost.  You might be thinking that these things are disgusting and you wouldn’t want them in your compost bin. Do what’s right for you but consider the alternative, if it goes in the garbage it will either not break down in the landfill or it will take much, much longer.

*Municipal Waste Management Shut Down

As we creep closer to the imminent shutdown of municipal waste removal, panic is setting in for residents across the country. I was fortunate enough to be able to get some insight on this crisis from top trash adviser Richard Smalley. “Americans have been warned that waste is no longer something the government can handle now that landfills are full and recycling facilities can’t put a dent in the amount of materials waiting to be recycled,” Smalley says.  Starting on January 1st, citizens will be responsible for their own waste on their own property. It will be illegal to dump waste on public or privately owned land that doesn’t belong to you.

Luckily, Mr. Smalley has plenty of great ideas to help people handle their waste.  Smalley says, “every household needs a compost, that is a top priority. Another thing most homes will want is a pig.  Not one of those tiny little cute ones either, I’m talking the kind of swine that will grow into a giant garbage munching machine, a real pigzilla.  Another thing you’re gonna want to do is start digging a pit in your backyard. Make sure to dig that pit real deep, I mean between eighteen and twenty feet, or it’s gonna stink to high heaven, and when you have stink, you have rodents of all species and sizes.  People are going to want to get back to the good old days of the Smokey Joe. Smokey Joe got a bad wrap in the past but their ability to turn waste into a raging inferno of incineration has been realized and reclaimed. That way, whatever you don’t compost, bury or feed to your monster pig, you can burn.  Sure it pollutes the air, but just don’t breathe in the sweet smells of burning trash. Make sure you keep that smoke away from the swine or you’ll make him sick and he won’t want to eat.”

“Not only are these effective solutions to trash, but they are also an opportunity to bring families together.  People should be excited about these changes. It’s a civic duty that instills pride in the community. Children love animals and will love their new garbage munching pet.  It’s a real pleasure to watch your little one hand feed melons to an endless pit of a pig. Kids and parents alike will enjoy hurling yesterday’s treasures into the deep, dark pit in the yard.  The whole family will delight in watching the yard compost turn into rotten entrails. To top it off, you can roast marshmallows over the Smokey Joe! Now that’s a s’more I’ll gladly eat!”

*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty

Dear Betty: Reader Email 10/12/2018

Betty-

On September 12th, 2018 your weekly weigh-in said you had zero bags of garbage. How can a family of six have zero bags of garbage?

-Sara

Thank you for your question Sara! A family of six can have zero bags of trash in a week. Our current goal is to have one bag or less of garbage per week. I follow Bea Johnson’s five R’s. Refuse, Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, and Rot, in that order. We refuse many products that have wasteful packaging and we have reduced the products that we do buy. I admit I’m not great at reusing because I don’t buy many things that can be reused/repurposed/upcycled, we recycle everything we can and I’ll even toss plastic in the recycle bin if I’m not sure if it is recyclable since the worst that will happen is it will get picked out at the recycling plant. We compost everything that we possibly can. When you follow the five R’s it is easy to greatly reduce how much garbage your family makes. We still are eliminating things we use and making better choices so we expect our weekly weigh-ins to continue to drop. Before we started our journey we averaged two to three bags of garbage per week, so we are making a lot of progress. Thanks again!

-Betty

Do you have a question, comment, or suggestion?

I’d love to hear from you!

Email me at Mrs.Stebber@gmail.com or comment on the blog

*Update 10/24/18

A reader pointed out to me that you shouldn't put things in the recycling that can't be recycled. That's true.  I toss only plastic into the recycling bin that I'm not sure can be recycled because our recycling accepts all plastic.  You should check with your service to see what is and what is not accepted.

A Sustainable Solution for Thirsty B!tches

I’m a thirsty b!tch.  I drink a lot of water and I can hardly go one hour without feeling parched.  Water is so good for you! It’s a great habit to have. We all know bottled water is wasteful, expensive, and overrated.  I’ll talk more about why bottled water sucks in another post. This post is about your container. Don’t use a plastic or aluminum water bottle.  Both are bad for you and toxic in their own ways. You want glass or stainless steel. I personally prefer insulated stainless steel. When I learned that drinking out of plastic is dangerous we made the switch to Yeti.  They offer just about any size you could dream of but we like the 30-ounce tumbler. It comes in a variety of colors and lid options. I like the straw top but once the straw it came with started to crack, I made the switch to a stainless steel straw with a silicone top.  I also like the ZAK! stainless steel tumbler and they also offer a variety of sizes. I like the ZAK! colors a little better because I can get it in pink. Hardcore b!tches like me need a pink tumbler! It comes with a top and I can get my stainless steel and silicone straw through. ZAK! is just as good as Yeti, in my opinion, and it is a fraction of the cost. Don’t be thirsty, you’ve got options b!tches. You’re welcome.

Weekly Weigh In 10/10/2018

Week two of trash in October and we are continuing to do poorly.  Things that escaped my wrath during the purge are popping up now that we are shifting into fall.  The handsome husband is getting the yard, shed, and garage ready for the winter months and it's messing up my darn blog.  How dare he!  Today we put out the recycling bin, zero bags of trash, 3 old tarps with rips and holes, and one large bunch of plastic that was wrapped around a new mattress that we bought for Esmeralda.  I tried looking into recycling options for the tarps but came up empty-handed.  TerraCycle has options for garage or yard clean up but they are expensive and don't specify tarps on the list of acceptable items.  I also checked a local recycling center with no luck.  

How did you weigh in this week?

Why You Shouldn’t Read My Blog

There are so many options for zero waste, minimalism, plastic-free living, and environmental blogs.  If all you want is your information to be clean and informative, my blog may not be for you. What the Waste?!?!? covers all of the aforementioned attributes but also gives you facts, useful information, product and book reviews, intelligent wording, dirty innuendos, and a side of bullshit.  Why would I have a blog in this genre with the latter attributes? Because that’s who I am. I like to speak my mind and push the proverbial envelope. I am a passionate person who loves humor. What the Waste?!?!? is Zero Waste Home and The Onion in one beautiful blog. I promise to give you new information every single day.  I strive for accuracy in all of my posts. I give honest book, product, and documentary reviews. I’ll try my best to make you laugh and enjoy what you are reading. If you enjoy What the Waste?!?!? email me, comment on the posts, share it, and tell people about it. If you don’t like What the Waste?!?!? let’s pretend this never happened and never speak of it again.

What the Waste?!?!? Schedule:

Sunday-Awesome Post

Monday-Splendid Post and Did You miss Satirical Saturday?

Tuesday-Medium Well Post

Wednesday-Over Easy Post and Weekly Weigh In

Thursday-Delicious Post

Friday-Dear Betty (Reader Email, Comment, or Question)

Saturday-Satirical Saturday (A heaping pile of BS just for fun)

Plastic Hangers, According to Mommy Dearest

My home contains a few hundred plastic hangers.  Since we have learned that plastic is the reincarnation of Satan himself, what are we to do with them?  I spent some time considering the options and I’ve come up with a good solution (or at least I think it’s good.)  The few hundred plastic hangers I own have been serving their special purpose for some time now and have long ago off-gassed their evil toxins.  What is “off-gassing,” you ask? I’ll talk about it in an upcoming post, (spoiler alert) but simply put, it means the toxic material the plastic is made of gets into the air that you then breathe into your lungs.  I’d really like to recycle them all and invest in some hangers that are better for my family and the environment but it isn’t that simple. Plastic hangers are made out of a combination of crap plastic that either can’t be recycled or are very difficult to recycle, so even if I put every last one in the recycling bin, they will most likely still go to the dump. Most places won’t accept them as a donation, so that is out. It is estimated that 85% of all plastic hangers will end up in a landfill, so throwing them out isn’t an option I feel good about. Each day in the United States, 15.5 million plastic, wire, and wood hangers go in landfills. So what’s the best thing to do? Use what you have until it is broken. Check with your municipal recycling program to see if your broken plastic, wire, or wood hanger can be recycled.  When you need more hangers, opt for a material that is environmentally friendly. Check out recycled paper and fiberboard hangers from Ditto.  They can hold up to 20 pounds and can be recycled or composted at the end of their life. Don’t fall for plastic hangers that claim to be made out of recycled plastic.  They most likely are not 100% recycled material and we should be trying to get rid of using plastic at all. Recycled paper and fiberboard is my first pick, with steel hangers coming in second. Steel is a valuable resource and retains its value so it is not your run of the mill wire hanger. It will last virtually forever and if for some reason it doesn’t, it won’t (or shouldn’t) end up buried in a hole.  My third pick would be bamboo or wood hangers. I think they are durable and will last but they are often coated in varnish that will also off gas and makes recycling them impossible. When you need hangers, choose responsibly and make Mommy Dearest proud.