Everyone wants to be a good citizen. One aspect of being a good citizen is being a good consumer. When all citizens are good consumers the economy is robust and plentiful. When someone isn't a good consumer it is felt by the entire community and it is a threat to the very fabric of our good nation. Today we will learn how to be a good consumer by following just 3 easy steps.
Step 1. Shop. Shopping is an American pastime and is an activity that can be enjoyed by all. It is the foundation upon which our economy is built so it is every man's duty for the good of the nation. Shopping is an excellent way to explore new and exciting ways to make one's life easier. Shopping allows someone a chance to be abreast of new technologies and inventions that he can be proud to own. Shopping is great for a girls day out, a date, or a day on the town for the whole family.
Step 2. Buy. Buying is the big finale for your shopping trip and no shopping trip should be complete without it. Buying goods ensures that money changes hand and keeps the well-oiled economy machine humming along with gusto. The act of purchasing builds confidence and makes people happy. When you treat yourself to the latest and greatest technology you can feel good about all of the hard work and long hours spent at the office. You can take pride in showing off the latest models and the newest toys to your fellow neighbors and friends. Try surprising your wife with that new vacuum cleaner that she saw at the store, she'll probably squeal with excitement. Buying for yourself and your family ensures happiness for everyone.
Step 3. Repeat. Repeating is the final and most important step in being a good consumer. Without repeat shopping and buying the well-oiled economy machine would come to a screeching halt. When you've bought all that you want you should check for new items and consider replacing and upgrading things you have previously bought. This way you will keep the economy strong and you can be the envy of the neighborhood with all of the latest gadgets. When you replace something you already have with a newer version you want to be sure to toss out that old one and send it to the dump where it belongs. Don't worry about the waste as it is a sign of prosperity. A steady flow of garbage to the dump is a strong indication of a successful economy.
Shop. Buy. Repeat. It's just that easy. Now you can be a good citizen and a good consumer.
A good consumer treats his family to the finer things.
*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty.
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