*Mr. Fusion

Mr. Fusion Home Energy Reactor is in its final stages of testing and scheduled to hit the mainstream market in the spring of 2020. “This revolutionary piece of equipment is no longer science fiction,” says Dave Larry, of Mr. Fusion Incorporated. “The U.S. has been barely keeping ahead of the constant garbage crisis and our Home Energy Reactor is going to change all that.”  Mr. Fusion is the future for America’s buy and toss mentality. Mr. Fusion accepts all types of waste from food scraps to animal droppings, from thick plastic to steel beams, from medical waste to toxic waste. In fact, Mr. Fusion Home Energy Reactor is so versatile and so efficient we may not have enough garbage to power our cars, homes, and commercial buildings.  “Hopefully we can become more dependent on disposables and single-use items so that we will have enough trash to keep up with the energy demand,” says Larry. “Moving towards more disposables and single-use items will be good for energy and good for the economy.” The United States could capitalize on the World’s trash by importing it by the shipping container full. According to Mr. Larry, we could get to a point where we’ve not only cleaned up the garbage we are making but also the garbage of yesteryear.  “We could be looking at unearthing decades worth of solid waste and reclaiming the land and energy value of billions of tons of waste.” With garbage and waste a thing of the past, trash is now treasure. Mr. Fusion Home Energy Reactor is the solution to all of our waste and pollution problems. It truly is a modern marvel.

*Satirical Saturday Brought to You by Betty