Seasonal Sunday: Pin the Badge on Dogman

Keeping up with the birthday theme, I'll show you how to make a super cool party game that the kids will love.  As I mentioned in last week's post, Frank (not his real name) had his birthday party last month and he wanted a Dogman party.  Dogman is a character from a book series of the same name by Dav Pilkey.

All you need for this project is a posterboard, cardstock, tape, a printout of the character you want to make, a pencil, a marker, scissors, and access to a copier that is certainly not at your place of employment.

I took the printed picture that I wanted to use and I trimmed it into 16 small squares.  I placed each square on the copier and enlarged it by 250%.  In hindsight, I could have done 275% or even 300% but whatever.  Once I had each enlarged copy, I cut out the pieces and taped Dogman together into one large pattern.  

Here is the large pattern for Dogman.

Once the pattern of Dogman is assembled, I cut each piece out that would be traced on cardstock.  For example, his shoes, legs, hands, arms, head, hat, etc.  I traced the pieces on cardstock and then traced over that with the black marker since he is a cartoon and he needs lines.  I then taped all of those pieces together and then used double sided tape to mount the Dogman masterpiece onto the posterboard.  

You will notice his badge is missing because that is what each child had to "pin" on.  I made a badge for each child at the party and wrote their name on it.  We blindfolded each child and they then had to "pin" the badge on Dogman.  We used a small piece of double-sided tape instead of actual pins.  The winner got a prize and the losers had to suck it up because not everyone can win all the time.  The kids loved playing pin the badge on Dogman.

The finished product, minus the badge. 

*Politically Correct Youth Soccer with Mama Betty

Mama Betty's politically correct youth soccer is back by popular demand!  PC Soccer is something special that will teach your child that they are a valuable team member and they can do anything they put their mind to.  Kids learn how to be a fair team player and how to include others and make everyone feel good.

Sign up starts tomorrow and ends on Thursday.  If you can get your child signed up before the deadline that would be a huge help but if you can't, that's okay too and we will still be happy to accept your late admission without extra fees, of course.  The "fee" for the season is a $100 donation that we surely hope you will consider making. 

The first game day is scheduled for Saturday, May 4th at 10am.  You should try to arrive early but if you can't, no worries, we will wait for you.  Mornings are tough enough right?  Kids should all be dressed in their matching uniforms along with their matching shin guards.  We are going with the color gray again this year since it was so wonderfully adequate last year.  Shin guards are not required for PC gameplay but we have found that the kids get a more authentic feeling of being a soccer player when wearing them. 

Kids will be divided into teams of their choosing to ensure that everyone is surrounded by friends and is completely comfortable.  Each team will line up and take turns kicking the ball into the goals.  There is no need for a goalie in PC soccer.  This enables everyone to make a goal as easily and quickly as possible.  Inflatable bumpers help direct balls into the goal so that no one has to suffer the embarrassment of missing a shot.  We do request that parents and guests cheer for each child equally.  Everyone is special at Mama Betty's PC soccer!

Once everyone has scored and each team has an equal number of goals, the game will result in a tie.  Teammates will then congratulate the opposing team members individually and then they will be encouraged to congratulate their fellow team members. 

When each player feels confident and ready to accept their trophy, we will change into the ceremony part of the game.  Each player will be awarded a personalized trophy for their expert participation and fairness in play.  Each trophy comes with a button as well as a commemorative ribbon that can all be proudly displayed, building confidence and self-esteem for many years to come.

After every player receives their awards, we will transition into the post-game celebration party.  Refreshments that accommodate all food allergies and sensitivities will be served so that no player feels left out or different than others.   Players and families are welcome to stay as long as they like and are encouraged to be their true self while attending our functions. 

Mama Betty's politically correct youth soccer makes sure everyone is a winner.

*Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty.

Dear Betty: Reader Question 4/12/2019 Vintage Tupperware

Hey Betty,

I'd like to know what vintage Tupperware is made of.  Can you find out?

Thanks,

Mary

Dear Mary,

Good question.  I first turned to Wikipedia for an answer but did not find what I was looking for.  I did learn that Tupperware was first created in the late 1930s, by Earl Tupper, and hit the market in 1946.

I looked at the Tupperware website and found information that Tupperware stopped using Bisphenol A, or BPA in 2010.  Nice to know, but also not the answer.

I spent plenty of time reading about Tupperware and other plastic online but could still not find even a hint as to what type of plastic Tupperware, current or vintage, is made of.

I went back to the Tupperware website and decided to "chat with a representative."  I figured I had some pretty straightforward questions and that should be an easy answer.  Nope.  Poor Zeke got stuck with me.  I started out by asking what kind of plastic new Tupperware is made from.  Simple question right?  Wrong.  I wish the chat window had time stamps for each entry because it took poor Zeke an awkwardly long time to respond at all and when he did, it was just to say he was still working on my request.  About 15 minutes or so later Zeke finally came through with the answer for me.  Most Tupperware is currently made from polystyrene.  Polystyrene is resin code number 6 and is generally considered a less safe plastic and a plastic that is very difficult to recycle.  Plastic 3,6, and 7 are considered to be the worst three plastics.  I asked if their products contain BPS and was told that "it's not on the list."  What many people don't realize is that even though BPA was pulled from the market, it has been replaced with BPS, both are Bisphenol with the same alarming issues.  Some studies are suggesting that BPS, BPA's replacement, may be worse than BPA. 

I decided to be specific in my question about what type of plastic vintage Tupperware is made from.  I said I have a Fresh N Fancy cake carrier and wanted to know what that was made out of.  Most people are familiar with this gold and white cake carrier from the mid to late 1970s.  The Fresh N Fancy cake carrier is polypropylene.  I would venture a guess that most, if not all, of Tupperware produced prior to 2010 contains BPA, so vintage Tupperware is probably dripping in endocrine disrupting toxic waste.

I hope that answers your question and thanks again for the question!

-Betty 

The chat with Zeke.

The Fresh N Fancy cake carrier.

Do you have a question, comment, or suggestion?

I'd love to hear from you!

Email me at Mrs.Stebber@gmail.com or comment on the blog

Aspirational Recycling

I was reading a while ago and came across the term 'aspirational recycler.'  It made me stop and laugh.  When I was done laughing, a laughed a little bit more.  I shared my new term with my husband.  I don't recall him finding it as comical as I did but he was mildly amused nonetheless.

Are you an aspirational recycler?  Do you put things in the recycling that doesn't belong or isn't prepped correctly?

My husband works with some far-reaching aspirational recyclers.  He often sees strange things in the recycling bin.  Paper towels, paper plates with food on them, a bag of chicken bones.  What do you suppose you can recycle chicken bones into?  

We are all guilty of being an aspirational recycler at one time or another.  I know I've put some pretty stupid things in the recycling before I started paying attention, although nothing as bad as chicken bones.  The point is, even though recycling isn't the answer to the issues we are facing, it is still important.  Read up about what your area accepts and how they want it prepped and sorted.  Do it right or not at all.  Don't be an aspirational recycler.

Weekly Weigh In 4/10/2019

Today the handsome husband is putting out one bag of garbage.  It really could have waited but it was offending the olfactories and had to go.  I've heard of people putting the odiferous items in the freezer to prevent smelly garbage and I thought I'd give it a try.  I still have some plastic grocery bags from way back when so I put one in the freezer and have been putting it to good use.  I made chicken breasts and put the absorbent meat pad in the freezer and also the plastic from bacon since that can get smelly as well.  I'm hoping this will allow us to continue to minimize the number of trash bags going out to the curb each month.

How did you weigh in this week?

-Jack Ohman

Google Home

I like to talk about products and companies that I like.  Today's post is about Google Home.

Google makes good products and has good packaging so I like to buy from them when I have a need.  Several months ago the handsome husband ordered a Google Home for us.  I naturally thought he was nuts.  I had heard of the Amazon Echo or Alexa, and I wasn't very impressed.  What do you need a talking speaker for right?  Sometimes the handsome husband knows best and this was certainly one of those times.

Google Home has changed our lives for the better.  I think it's one of those products that once you have it, you can't (or don't want to)live without it. 

I can ask it anything I am wondering about.  What's the weather tomorrow, what is my schedule, what temperature is it outside, can dogs eat peanut butter, how do you say good morning in Spanish?  It quite literally answers any question I ask it.

You can program it with your Nest thermostat.  This way you can ask it what the temperature is inside the house and what the humidity is in a particular zone.  You can tell it to go up or down a degree.  You can program the Nest to sense when your phone is out of a given range and it will adjust the temperature accordingly to save energy. 

You can create a shopping list that you can pull up on your phone at the store.  Each time I think of something we need, I just tell Google, and it adds it to my personal shopping list.  I can access my shopping list online so I can manually type in things that I need as well.  When I'm at the store I shop from the list and swipe each item as I get it.

You can connect Google Home to your lights and to other appliances with smart outlets.  We have a few lights connected as well as a fan in our room.  It's so nice to be able to go to bed and tell Google to turn on the fan and turn off the light.

You can connect it to your TV so that you can tell it to play a show or movie by command.  You can even tell it to turn on or off the TV with just your voice. 

You can program a 'good morning' and 'good night' routine where it will tell you things about your following day's schedule and turn on or off any lights and appliances that you have preset into that routine.  

Google Home offers a variety of speakers and accessories to streamline your life and keep you organized.  I'm typically a person that scoffs at making life easier because I question how lazy and convenience driven the human race has already become.  I do believe Google Home is a great product with sustainable packaging.  They get Betty's seal of approval.

Google Home, in all of its glory.

Slow Clap Presents: Deep Water Horizon Wasn't Just a Movie Starring Marky Mark

Real Story. Real Stupid.

If you didn't watch the 2016 film Deepwater Horizon staring Mark Wahlberg don't worry, you didn't miss anything.  I watched it and it wasn't very good.  It would have been more appealing to me if they had cast Charlie Hunnam as the lead but to be fair, film producers were not aware that Mark Wahlberg does nothing for me.

Deepwater Horizon was a 10-year-old mobile oil rig that was located in the Macondo Prospect in Mississippi Canyon off the Louisiana coast in the Gulf of Mexico.  There was a series of stupidity laden decisions and oversights that lead to an explosion that resulted in the largest oil spill in history.

In an oversimplified version of events, this is what happened on April 20th, 2010.  First of all, the blowout preventer was leaking hydraulic fluid and had been running on a failed battery.  Next, pressure data was misread and higher-ups gave the approval to replace drilling fluid with seawater.  Apparently, seawater isn't as heavy as drilling fluid and cannot prevent gas leaking from the well from firing back up the pipe.  Lastly, a methane gas bubble escaped the well and shot up the pipe towards the surface which caused an explosion and fire. 

Two days later, on April 22nd, 2010 the massive rig known as Deepwater Horizon sank to the bottom of the ocean.  A subsequent oil slick begins to spread and eventually covers 68,000 square miles, roughly the size of Oklahoma.  The leak continues to spew oil for the following 87 days while experts frantically try to cap the leaking pipe.  The pipe was successfully capped on July 15th, 2010.  

BP was found responsible along with Transocean and Halliburton.  BP was found to be guilty of gross negligence and reckless conduct.  Billions of dollars have been paid out in fines and settlements.  11 people were killed on Deepwater Horizon.

Marine life has by far paid the biggest price for the Deepwater Horizon oil spill.  Thousands of protected species were exposed to the oil through inhalation, aspiration, ingesting contaminated sediment, water, prey, or by absorbing it through their skin.  This contamination has caused reproductive failure, organ damage, and death.

My two cents: It is heartbreaking to think about all of the terrible unnecessary deaths that were caused because of BP.  It has been so many years since the oil spill and an estimated one-third of the oil is still underwater today.  

Rating: I give the Deepwater Horizon 5 out of 5 possible slow claps.  The result is due to negligence and incompetence largely because of the greed of British Petroleum.  The pictures below will speak volumes more than I am able to.

What to do with Light Bulbs

Do you toss your burned out light bulbs in the trash?  You shouldn't.  Fluorescent light bulbs are illegal to throw away because they contain mercury.  Other light bulbs shouldn't go in the trash because they can be recycled instead.  

Since light bulbs can't go in your home recycling bin I'll help you out and tell you where they can go.  Recycling is important because glass and metal are valuable resources.  It's also important to recycle fluorescent and compact fluorescent bulbs to prevent mercury exposure.

What kind of bulbs can be recycled?

Compact Fluorescent light bulbs (CFL)

Fluorescent tubes

Circular Fluorescent

U Bend Fluorescent

Plastic coated and shatter shield

Spot and Flood Lamps

UV and Germicidal Lamps

Incandescent

Halogen

Cold Cathode

Metal Halide

High-Pressure Sodium

Mercury Vapor

Ballasts

Where can these bulbs be recycled?

Batteries Plus Bulbs

The Home Depot

Ikea

Lowes

There you have it.  No excuses now.  Recycle your burnt out bulbs, don't throw them away.  You're welcome.

Seasonal Sunday: The Birthday Pinata

Our son Frank (not his real name) turned 7 last month and he really wanted a Dogman party.  Dogman is a book series by children's author Dav Pilkey.  Pilkey is also the creator of the popular Captain Underpants book series.  Frank loves Dogman and reads the six books in the series back to back and then all over again.  Dogman party supplies do not yet exist and I had to get creative, which is fine because I'm cheap and I don't want store bought crap that results in extra waste.

I suggested a pinata and picked the character 80-HD from the Dogman series as my muse.  I figured 80-HD would be easier since he is round and I needed something easy because I've never made a pinata before.  When 80-HD is his superhero persona, he is known as Lightning Dude, and that is what Frank wanted.

80-HD as Lightning Dude, as depicted in Lord of the Fleas by Dav Pilkey.

Your first step is to blow up your balloon.  My mistake here was going way too big.  I used one of those punch balloons thinking it would be more rounded but it wasn't.  Someone told me to use watered down Elmer's glue to dip the strips of newspaper in but I didn't think it worked great and I didn't want the waste of all of those bottles.  After the first bottle of Elmer's, I switched to the flour and water mixture that I had read about online.  I liked that a lot better.  Just mix two parts flour to one part water and dip the strips of paper in the mixture and use your fingers to clear off the excess.  Apply the strips to the balloon and wait for it to dry.  You need at least three layers of newspaper strips.

Here it is after a couple of layers.

After you let your paper mache dry, pop the balloon and let the air out slowly.  I cut a tiny hole and let the air out super slow because I was worried the whole thing would implode.  Mine turned out so thick that the risk of implosion was unfounded.

Removal of the balloon.

After removing the balloon, I used a hole puncher to make the holes to string the ribbon.  This is the top and these ribbons are what you will use to hang the pinata.  I stuck one end of the ribbon through a hole and then used tweezers to pull it out through the other hole.  I covered up the hole from the balloon with more paper mache after getting the ribbons how I wanted them.  

Ribbon holes.

Once you have your ribbons in place, you are ready to decorate!  I made the arms and legs out of cardstock and taped them to the sides and then reinforced that with a couple layers of paper mache.  I suggest you put some tape on the first half inch or inch of paper connected to the pinata to prevent tears.  The cape is made from tissue paper and cardstock and we used double sided tape to attach it.  I chose to paint the pinata before applying the tissue paper so that the print underneath wouldn't show through as much.  I used tissue paper cut into squares that are bigger on the sides of the pinata than the top to create a rounder look.  Decorate everything except for the very top and the bottom where the flap will be if you are making a pull string pinata like I did.  Tip over the pinata and place the undecorated top portion into a bowl to balance it while you get to work on the flap.  Draw your flap in marker and then carefully follow the lines with an Exacto knife or kitchen knife.

Your perfectly carved flap.

Once your flap is cut, enlist help from Superman, or any other available superhero, to help you fill that bad boy up with non-nutritious, waste creating snacks and treats.

Thank goodness Superman was there to save the day!

Once the snacks and treats are in, it's back to work.  For a pull-string pinata, you need to make several small slits where the pull strings go on the flap.   Make your husband use the Exacto knife to make these slits so that he feels useful and handy.  Exactly ONE of the pull strings will open the flap.  Feed that string through a slit and tie a  washer onto it.  I used a bead and it ended up pulling through without opening the flap.

I used a bead for the string that will open the flap, use a washer instead.

Feed the rest of the strings through the other slits and pull them in several inches.  I used a knife to push the ribbon strings through the slits.  The strings will stay in place on their own.

This is the inside of the flap with all ribbons in place.

Once you have everything in place, carefully tuck all the strings inside the pinata and use some regular scotch tape to hold the flap shut.  Continue decorating around the area on the bottom that houses the pull strings.  I didn't bother to avoid the seams with glue and tissue paper.

Strings in, flap taped, and decorations completed.

Gently turn your pinata right side up and hang it where you can finish decorating the top area that was previously unfinished.  I hung mine in the closet and threatened to mortally wound any child who dared to touch it before the party.  I just know I can't trust them not to pull those strings.  Here is the finished product:

This project turned out pretty good overall.  I think I could have done a better job rounding out the top a bit but Frank loves it and that was the point.  My husband and I figure that I spent between 20 and 25 hours working on this beast.  Don't let that deter you!  It took a lot longer being my first one and I had an issue with the tissue paper and had to tear half of it off and start over.  I'm also an OCD suffering perfectionist and that adds a lot of time to many of my projects.  I chose to do a pull string pinata because March in Minnesota doesn't allow for a good old outdoor pinata beat down and also because Frank wanted to keep Lightning Dude in his room after the party.  I'm planning to make a big egg for the kids to beat the crap out of for Easter.  So much fun.

*Mama Betty's Grouchnomicon

Newly discovered, in the darkest annals of Grouchland (in the trunk of a 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88,) the Grouchnomicon is now available for all of your dark, occult, and supernatural trash needs!  The Grouchnomicon is, potentially, the most dangerous trash book known to the western world.  You can reserve the original on the waiting list at the Vatican library, or you can buy a printed copy at any participating S-Mart store.  Make sure to use the promo code: HTTKB if placing an online order from S-Mart.  The promo code will save you 10 percent on your order and if you can figure out what it stands for, S-Mart will throw in FREE shipping!

This extremely powerful and dangerous grimoire is beautifully bound in grouch skin and each page contains spells and chants that will invoke all of your nefarious trash wishes and curses.

The Grouchnomicon was once only available to grouches but now it can be yours to use.  The Grouchnomicon has 3 basic uses, summoning, miscellaneous portals, and W.C.P.S. (wishes, curses, prayers, and spells.)

1.  Summon a Grouch:
Summoning a grouch can be of assistance to you in a variety of ways.  It's much like using a Meeseeks box to have Mr. Meeseeks assist you in any way that you need, so that he may die and fulfill his destiny.  When you summon a grouch, they are eager to help you in order to return to Grouchland as quickly as possible.  So what can you do with a grouch?  The possibilities are endless really.  Let's say you forgot to take out the trash, go ahead and summon a grouch and make him take it out.  Did you forget about those leftovers in the back of the fridge?  Don't throw them away, simply summon a grouch and he will most certainly be happy to eat every last bite.  Did you throw something away by mistake?  Summon a grouch and he will be delighted to go to the dump and find it for you.  It should be noted that summoning works differently for grouches than humans.  Grouches summon demon grouches and demon grouches can't utilize the Grouchnomocon.

2.  Miscellaneous Portals:
Portals are as versatile as they are handy.  What can you do with a garbage portal?  The answer is what can't you do with a garbage portal?!?!  Let's say you have too much junk in your garage and you're tired of it and want to park in there but junk removal is costly and a hassle.  Use the Grouchnomicon to open a portal right outside that filthy garage and toss everything right in there.  Does the portal lead to the dump?  To Grouchland?  Who cares?  It's out of your garage and not your problem.  Have you been scorned?  Maybe you have an ex-lover or a boss who has done you wrong?  Go ahead and open a reverse dump portal above their home, it will rain garbage until you feel like making it stop.  Are you tired of picking up after your dog?  Did you forget a bag and Rover pooped on a walk?  No problem, use a mini-portal and that poop will be gone in an instant.     Where does the poop go?  Actually, it rains down on Grouchland, they love the stuff, but that's just because grouches can't tell the difference between sh!t and Shinola.

3.  Wishes, Curses, Prayers, and Spells:
One example of prayer would be the stain prayer.  Stain prayers are best suited for spills that stain the carpet, a stain on a mattress, or a red dot on your cashmere sweater, for example.  Say the stain prayer and more often than not, the stain will fade within about 24 hours and be undetectable to the naked eye.  When the stain prayer fails, just use a wish to replace the item and then use a portal to send the old one to the dump.  There are a lot of spells to choose from but one example is the Hell Spell.  Do you want to get rid of something but putting it in the garbage is too good of a place for it to go?  Maybe a gift from an ex or something you inherited from a family member you detest?  That dump is too good a place for those sorts of items.  When you want to give an extra f*ck you to that person, use the Hell Spell and you will summon howling grouch demons that will drag that awful something to the deepest, most fiery pits of garbage Hell.  Curses are great for turning other people's things into garbage.  For example, let's say your neighbor got a promotion and bought all new furniture for his house.  The neighbor is a conceited a**hole and you just can't allow this.  Use an Ikea Curse and that new furniture will be transformed.  Sure, it will look the same but it will be structurally that of Ikea pressed board, fake panel, garbage furniture.  Just try to hide your smug face when the neighbor can't figure out what happened.

Reading too long from this most dangerous trash book risks madness, hallucinations, demon induced insanity, possession of limbs, demonic possession, unintentional opening of portals and/or vortexes, or shortness of breath.  Please use the Grouchnomicon at your own risk.

Look for these terrible and forbidden books coming soon: The Grouchnomicon Spell Book, Dead Names: The Dark History of the Grouchnomicon, and The Gates of the Grouchnomicon.

Watch for Mama Betty's Boom Stick, coming soon!

  *Satirical Saturday brought to you by Betty